Jealousy, Tantrums, and Love: Parenting a Toddler and a Newborn

Last week, we were blessed with our second child. This newborn boy gave us immense joy but also brought some challenges, particularly in parenting a toddler and a newborn.

When our son was conceived, our daughter was just 19 months old. Now, at 28 months, she is in a tender phase. Fortunately, we live in a joint family, and my parents were supportive throughout the pregnancy. My wife carried the baby while continuing to care for our daughter with relative ease, and that allowed me time to manage work, studies, and household responsibilities.

This week, however, everything changed.

As my wife got admitted to the hospital for the delivery, and my mother stayed with her, the full responsibility of caring for our toddler fell on me. I realised how demanding and unpredictable this age can be. Managing her diet, facing her tantrums, and soothing her aggression require a whole new level of patience (and I am generally a patient guy). It’s difficult to say when her mood changes from calm to aggressive and when she demands chocolates and junk food. Saying “no” is hard; handling the consequences is even harder.

I am also noticing that our daughter is going through an emotional turmoil (of course, she cannot explain it) as she sees her brother being nurtured. She had been excited to meet her baby brother, thinking he would talk and play with her right away. She was eager to kiss, cuddle, and caress him. But when her brother does not talk and play, and when we warn her not to caress and kiss him hard, she gets visibly upset.

What affects her most, though, is the shift in her mother’s attention. Due to the Caesarean section, my wife cannot hold our daughter on her lap or play with her the way she used to. And while the baby gets to lie next to his mother and be constantly cared for, our daughter is sometimes pushed away because of physical and emotional exhaustion. I have seen her frowns when her mother gets irritated by her playful touches. These frowns at times turn into aggression when she slaps me and my sister. Lately, she’s also been craving sugar and chocolates more frequently, and calming her has become increasingly difficult.

As a father, I feel guilty at times. Our daughter is too young to handle her emotions. And we were not prepared for her tantrums and mood swings. While I think she will slowly cope with the situation, I am also discussing these things with my wife, parents, and sister to help our daughter grow emotionally strong.

My mother often says that I became more introverted and emotionally distant from her. I don’t want that to happen to my daughter. I want her to suppress her feelings or feel sidelined. I want to help her to feel heard and loved. I want her to bond strongly with her mother and little brother so that she stays as expressive as she is now.

This journey of parenting two under three has just begun, and every day brings new lessons. If you have had such experiences, please include them in the comment box. We would love to learn from you.