Thank you Kate for the amazing post!
Ram-Janaki Vivah Panchami. The greatest festival of the Mithila region. The then Ayodhya might have had its own interests associated with the marriage but I will discuss that pre-historic event some other day. For now the events of the last two years are enough.
Last year during this festival, SAARC (which now exists only in name) summit was held in Kathmandu. The Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi, who has been adorned as an ardent Hindu, had planned to come to Kathmandu via Ayodhya and Janakpur. Later, showing security concerns, he flew directly from Delhi. Whatever happened, happened for good. How could Nepalese, who can not secure their border, guarantee the security of the One and Only of India and the one who has placed himself among the most influential in the world? I had expected the people would be against him for changing the route, but they came up against their own government. They took down the gates that had been set up around Janakpur, even shut the city down. (There in Ayodhya, people seemed to have been angry with their PM. His loss in the elections proved their annoyance!) I had written twice on this in a Facebook page.
It would have been alright even if hadn’t mentioned the event last year, but I feel it has some relation with what happened this year. What do I have to say about this year’s event in Janakpur? So embarrassing! President Bidya Devi Bhandari was welcomed with the ‘rare petrol’ bomb. What the protesters did after that is clear to all that have access to TV and internet. I can’t probably explain in words here. But the President was blamed for whatever happened. Many said that she should never have gone because of the ongoing Madhes strike. I thought, ‘Might be true! President’s visit surfaced up the security challenges there. Until she went, there was a false consolation of security.’
Based on the above two incidents, I had commented on a facebook page that the nationality of those who closed Janakpur while the Indian PM did not visit but protested the visit of Nepali President was doubtful. But I had felt that the core of the protest was something else. The news on the Nagarik proved it.
Before I heard of the attack on President Bidya Devi Bhandari, I was watching a Colors TV soap opera ‘Ishq ka rang safed’ (Readers might scold me for talking about nationality and watching a foreign channel. But what should I do if the government buys them and says to watch them. Also, one does not become anti-national by watching programmes on foreign languages. If someone says so, they are narrow-minded to me.) Focusing the story of widow marriage, the serial shows the problems faced by the widows in the society. The initial episodes included scenes of widows being prohibited from entering the temples. The scenes of purification of temple had also come up. Problems thus created have carried on the story until now. Here, the Janaki temple was ‘purified’ for being worshipped by the President!
As a widow of Late Madan Bhandari, the struggles of Bidya Devi Bhandari will probably make up a novel. Some even say that she was involved in the death(murder) of her husband. But such baseless accusations should not mask her struggles in this society. Isn’t the ‘purification’ of Janaki Mandir a chapter in the pain the society that has been giving to her as a widow? Don’t accusations of ‘woman’s brain’ and ‘purifications’ represent the narrow thoughts in our society?
If our society can undermine a woman who is on the highest seat of the nation, we can imagine the pain it gives to poor women. Women who have been accused of being witches and have been abused are still asking for justice. Alas, women themselves are involved in such accusations! Will the society ever understand their pains and problems? I don’t think it will ever be able to do so.
Conclusion? After a long discussion, I have been able to conclude nothing at all. Would appreciate readers’ contributions on drawing conclusions.
(Note: While I shared the news on Facebook, I had said that the narrow thoughts of Madhesi people had come forward. Such thoughts might have prevailed all over Nepal but I had wanted to indicate that those who see narrow-mindedness of Pahades are also not open-minded at all.
Also, I remember the essays of Nagendra (Nagendra Raj Sharma?) ‘Did the narrow minded people come from Kashi?’ He has asked several times. He gives examples of indigenous communities that accept widow marriage. The tradition of Bel Vivah among the Newars, which guarantees a life long ‘saubhagya’, the best of all should be our pride, he says. The aforementioned soap opera is based on Kashi. That is enough to provoke my thoughts over Nagendra’s questions.)
राम-जानकी विवाह पञ्चमी | मिथिलाञ्चलको सबैभन्दा ठूलो पर्व | रामले सीतालाई विवाह गर्नामा तत्कालिन अयोध्याका आफ्नै स्वार्थ थिए होलान् तर त्यो प्राक-ऐतिहासिक विषयमा कुनै अर्कै दिन चर्चा गरूँला | अहिलेको लागि दुई वर्ष यताका कुरा नै काफी छ |
पोहोर साल विवाह पञ्चमीको बेलामा सायद सार्क (जसको अस्तित्व नाममा मात्र सीमित छ) शिखर सम्मेलन थियो | त्यसैले त कट्टर हिन्दुवादीको ताज पहिरीसकेका भारतीय प्रधानमन्त्री नरेन्द्र मोदी अयोध्या, जनकपुर हुँदै काठमाण्डू आउने योजना थियो | पछि सुरक्षाको कारण देखाउँदै उनी त्यो बाटोबाट आएनन् | हुन पनि भारतको सर्वेसर्वा भएर विश्वका प्रभावशाली १० मा उभिइसकेका व्यक्तिलाई आफ्नै सीमा जोगाउन नसक्ने नेपालीले के सुरक्षा दिन सक्थे र ? मोदीले बाटे फेरेकोमा जनकपुरे रिसाउँछन् भन्ठानेको आफ्नै सरकार विरुद्ध पो खनिए | आफैँले सजाएर बनाएका स्वागत द्वार भत्काएर जनकपुर बन्द पनि गराए | (उता अयोध्यातिरका चैँ चिढिएछन्, मोदीलाई हराएरै छाडे यसपालाको राज्य सभा चुनावमा) यो विषयमा एउटा फेसबुक पेजमा दुई पटक गरेर लेखेको पनि थिएँ |
माथिको घटना नलेखेको भए पनि हुन्थ्यो होला तर यसपालाको घटनाले पोहोर सालको घटनासँग कुनै सम्बन्ध राख्छ कि भन्ने मनमा परेकाले लेखिदिएँ | अब यसपालिको त के कुरी गरूँ र ? भन्दा पनि लाज लाग्ने ! राष्ट्रपति विद्यादेवी भण्डारीलाई जनकपुर पुग्ने वित्तिकै ‘अभाव भइरहेको पेट्रोल’ बमले स्वागत गरिएछ | पछि विरोधी समूहले केकस्ता काम गरेछन् भन्ने त टिभी, इन्टरनेट मार्फत धेरैलाई थाहा भइसकेको छ | त्यसको वर्णन मैले सायद गर्न पनि सक्दिनँ ! तर त्यो दुखद घटनामा राष्ट्रपतिलाई नै दोषि देखाउन खोजियो | कतिले त मधेसमा आन्दोलन भइरहेकाले उनी जनकपुर जानै हुँदैनथ्यो सम्म भन्न भ्याए | मैले सोचेँ, ‘ठीकै हो क्यारे ! राष्ट्रपतिले त्यहाँ गएर सुरक्षा चुनौति देखाइदिइन् | उनी नजाँदासम्म सुरक्षाको झुठो प्रत्याभूति त थियो !’
माथिका दई घटनाका आधारमा भारतका प्रधानमन्त्रीलाई स्वागत गर्न नपाउँदा बन्द गर्ने र आफ्नो राष्ट्रपतिको विरोध गर्नेहरूको राष्ट्रियतामा शंका गर्नुपर्छ भनेर माईसंसारको फेसबुक पोष्टमा कमेन्ट पनि गरेको थिएँ | तर विरोधको चुरो कताकता अर्कै थियो कि जस्तो लागेको थियो | मनमा खट्केको त्यो कुरो आज बिहान ‘‘नागरिक” मा आएको समाचार ले पुष्टि गरिदियो |
राष्ट्रपति विद्यादेवी भण्डारी माथि आक्रमण भएको खबर सुन्नु अघि कलर्स टिभीमा ‘इश्कका रंग सफेद’ भन्ने सिरीयल हेर्दै थिएँ | (मित्रहरूले मलाई राष्ट्रियताको कुरा गरेर हिन्दी च्यानल हेर्ने ? भन्दै हप्काउनु होला तर सरकारले नै विदेशी च्यालनल किनेर ‘हेर्’ भनेपछि म जस्तो बबुरोलाई हुटहुटी चलिहाल्दो रहेछ | फेरि विदेशी भाषाका कार्यक्रम, फिल्म हेर्दैमा कोही अराष्ट्रिय हुन्छ भन्नु पनि त संकीर्णताको पराकाष्ठा हो भन्छु म त , कसो ?) विधवा विवाहको विषय उठाइएको त्यो सिरियलको पहिलो एपिसोडहरूमा विधवा महिलालाई कृष्ण जन्माष्ठमी(?) मा मन्दिर जान रोक लगाइएको सिन देखाइएको थियो | मन्दिरको शुद्धिकरण गरिएका दृश्य पनि नआएका होइनन् | त्यसपछि उत्पन्न समस्यामा नै आजसम्म कहानी घुम्दै छ | यता जानकी मन्दिरमा पनि शुद्धिकरण भएछ, राष्ट्रपतिले पूजा गरेको निहुँमा !
जनप्रिय नेता मदन भण्डारीकी विधवा विद्यादेवी भण्डारीको संघर्षको कथाले सायद उपन्यास बन्ला | भन्नेले त पतिको मृत्युमा उनको संलग्नता थियो सम्म पनि भन्छन् | तर अप्रमाणित कुराको पछि लागेर एकल महिलाको रूपमा उनले सहनु परेका पीडालाई नजरन्दाज गर्नु हुँदैन | उनले यस समाजमा भोग्नु परेको पीडाको एउटा अध्याय होइन र जानकी मन्दिरको ‘शुद्धिकरण’ ? ‘आइमाईको बुद्धि !’ भन्दै महिला राष्ट्रपतिका कार्यको विरोध गर्ने विधवाले पूजा गरेको भनेर मन्दिर ‘शुद्धिकरण’ गर्ने कामले समाजमा नीहित संकीर्णता प्रष्ट पार्दैनन् र ?
राष्ट्रपतिजस्तो सर्वोच्च पदमा आसिन महिलालाई समेत हेप्न सक्ने हाम्रो समाजले गरिब महिलाहरूलाई कति पेल्दो हो | बोक्सी, डाइन भन्दै मलमुत्र खुवाइएका कतिपय महिलाहरू आज पनि न्यायको भिख माग्दैछन् | विडम्बना, महिलाहरू नै त्यस्तो लाजमर्दो काम गर्न पछि पर्दैनन् | के ती गरिब, दुःखी नारीहरूको मर्का समाजले बुझ्ला ? बुझ्ला भन्ने त मलाई पटक्कै लाग्दैन |
निष्कर्ष ? यति लामो गन्थनको निष्कर्ष मैले निकाल्नै सकिन | पाठकहरूले नै मद्दत गरिदिनु पर्यो |
(नोट: बिहान ‘नागरिक’ को समाचार शेयर गर्दा मधेसीको संकीर्णता देखियो भनेको थिएँ | यस्तो सोचले देशलाई नै गाँजेको होला | तर पहाडेलाई संकीर्ण देख्नेहरू पनि त वास्तवमा उदार रहेनछन् भन्नेतर्फ संकेत गरेको थिएँ भन्न चाहन्छु |
साथै, नगेन्द्र (नगेन्द्र राज शर्मा?)का निबन्ध पनि सम्झन्छु | नेपालमा महिला सम्बन्धी संकीर्ण सोच कतै काशीबाट त आएनन् ? उनी पटकपटक प्रश्न गर्छन् | माथि उल्लिखित सिरियल त्यतैको परिवेशमा आधारित भएकाले नगेन्द्रको प्रश्न पनि विचारणीय छ |)
The world runs in weird ways. People here run in weirder ways. I didn’t choose to run, however. I walked- from home to college and from college to home, alternately on alternate days. I wanted to save my back.
Whoever has known about the micro-buses in Nepal will understand my problem. These vehicles with low height are meant to carry twenty people max at a time. Four people, including a khalasi ( aka conductor. My teacher once called them handyboy, I don’t know why) can be adjusted in most vehicles (usually manufactured by Toyota or KIA). These vehicles are faster than the buses and mini buses and are also operated on smaller roads. That’s why most people use them. Now the vehicles are not enough for transporting people during the “office-time”. There is always a battle to get a seat. If not, one has to bend their back for at least ten minutes- if luck favours. Otherwise, one might have to stand in that Yoga posture for more than thirty minutes.
I try to avoid such a situation as much as possible. If I have to “stand up” on the micro bus, I will have to bend my low making ninety degrees with my feet. The back pain that sweeps in is the worst. Walking feels much better than this bent standing up.
I walked. This week I walked everyday until Wednesday. On Wednesday, I walked to college in the morning. While returning back home, I thought I climbed on an empty vehicle but unfortunately, it was filled by people in no time. Within seconds, I was squeezed by the people and within ten minutes, I was gasping. The windows were closed because it’s cold in Kathmandu these days. Ironically, I was sweating. People had seen that and had started commenting already. I had to get off. No, not because my destination had arrived but because I could not bear the pain on my back any longer. I got off at Tangal, almost twenty minutes south of my home. I walked again- tired and limping!
The effect showed up on Thursday. I could not dare to walk for forty five minutes between my home and college. I chose micro bus again. Thankfully, I got seats on both occasions that day.
It’s Friday and the pain continues as I write. The only satisfaction is that Saturday is coming up in almost two and a half hours. Hope (the biggest of the troubles released by Pandora) is making me think I can walk to college on Sunday again. Wishing her good luck is all I can do now.
I asked the question last Saturday. How that question came up? How I tried to find answers? What were the conclusions? Coming up in this post.
Background
On Saturday morning, while I went to the barber’s for a haircut, I saw a couple with their daughter there. The little girl’s head was shaved. Her mother said, “She does not have nice hair. Will she grow nice hair after the shave?”
For me, the hair seemed nice. At least it was better than mine. But that’s not the real thing. The girl, like most of the girls, loved her hair and was crying as the electrical razor was moving over her hair. Her mother first said, “We’ll not throw the hair. We will braid it and keep at home.” While the girl was not convinced, “Don’t care what other will say. Your hair will grow up again. You need to be strong. You should not cry. Crying makes you weak.”
The first response my mind gave was that the notion was wrong. Occasional crying has actually helped me psychologically and emotionally. Later on, as I thought more, I felt that she might be right.
[Note: It would be unfair if I did not tell you that the woman was actually obsessed with the hair of her daughter. I was compelled to think that the hair was not bad at all. The couple might have thought about selling the hair to make a wig. I can’t be sure, however. God knows what they wanted to do with it- sell it or keep it on display.]
Discussion
I debated within my mind. Whether or not crying could make someone weak, I could not say. Thankfully, I am a member of a blogging forum, Blogger’s World! (Blogging 101:Alumni, until December 9- you can note the old name on the web address!) I posted this question on Sunday, December 6, 2015 and received comments from about at least ten people.
The first comment came from Piyusha @Wandering Soul.
I strongly disagree that it makes one weak. People certainly perceive the one who is crying as weak, so it may make you look weak. But doesn’t make you weak. and honestly, which is better? To bottle up emotions inside you and not let them out because you are to scared to express yourself or to be brave enough to freely express emotions and hence, emotionally healthy even at the risk of being perceived as weak because people don’t understand emotions as much as they should or as much as they think do.
The next was from Heather @heathernotes.com, began the conversation with the evidence of physiological difference between men and women:
Scientists speculate that women cry more because they have shallower tear ducts than men.
The third one came from Anand/Vibrant @Blabberwockying. His comment was worth a post and he did it as well. In short, he said that crying could be weakness if we do not care when and where to cry. He also said that devotees cry for their God, thus attaining a deeper connection with the higher consciousness. (He was also attacked by other bloggers for the comment, but because that does not meet my objective here, I would want you to click the link to the forum above.)
Cathy Lynn Brooks@cathylynnbrooks.com said that children should be able (allowed) to express emotions and cry. Ishita @!shita believed that crying was healthy no matter however people looked at it. Ria @koko boocro, Amanda @raniamanda, 21 Time traveler agreed that crying was not a weakness at all. It was an emotional outlet, difficult to handle to most people. Darshith Badiyani and Bethany Harvey @Overlooked Nature said that people had to embrace crying as any other human emotions. Rashmi @Mind and Life Matters said that crying was just as important as laughing. Dawn Marie, Indira and shinepositivepower accepted that crying did not make one weak, but was a method of cleansing one’s soul.
Conclusion
It’s impossible to say whether crying makes one weak or not. Though, the participants in the discussion generally agreed that crying did not make one weak, I now believe that it actually depends upon the situation.
When can crying become your strength?
- When you are in a problem and need help, crying can help you get help easily.
- When you feel sad from deep within, shedding a little amount of tears can help your soul.
- Crying can be a process of healing your psyche.
- If you can manipulate someone by crying.
In short, when you cry to let out your emotions, you become healthy. What can be more beneficial to a person than a healthy mind?
When can crying become your weakness?
- When you cry in wrong places and at wrong times.
- When your fears and emotional problems are exposed to your enemies.
- When you can not decide when to cry and when not to.
The Dual Nature of People Who Cry
Being sensitive can make you weak, so is the condition when you become too expressive. Becoming insensitive or inexpressive does not mean you are strong either.*
Almost every one in the discussion believed that we cry while we are emotional and it is difficult to handle someone who cries often. We also say, “Don’t cry,” to someone who is going through an emotional stress. But we also encourage someone to cry if their burden can be decreased.
All in all, crying is a result of overwhelming emotions- sad or happy and it has to be accepted as a part of our emotional, spiritual and bodily health. (Crying is good for your eyes!)
[*Final Note: The topics of sensitivity and expressiveness were also prominently discussed in the forum. Here is the link again. These are the inherent characters of humans, which tell people of your strengths and weaknesses. For example, seeing you cry often (expressiveness) people might say you are weak, even if it is not the case. Also, crying may not always solve one’s problem.]
Freespirit (Jane) of wannatalkavenscent had nominated me for this challenge on 11th of November. The rules of this challenge are:
1. Post three consecutive days.
2. You can pick one or three quotes per day.
3. Challenge three different bloggers per day.
… Forget about the past. Dare to dream that you are more than the sum of your current circumstances. Expect the best.
-Robin Sharma, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
I have nominated the following three people:
Communication gap. If there is anything we are suffering in Nepal right now, it’s the lack of communication. Each and every problem, whether it be the issues related to the constitution or matters of ongoing strike in the Terai. Whether it be the economic blockade imposed by the neighbour in the south or the process of making lives easier, there is no communication between the leaders and the common people. There is no enough negotiation between the leaders themselves and whatever they discuss never reaches us. Who knows what they talk in the closed rooms under the dinner lights?
The constitution was promulgated after a so called ‘collection of suggestions.’ A lot of people participated, including me. There was a wave of excitement. Suggestions from people were taken on the audio, visual and written forms. The leaders promised to include the majority of the suggestions in the constitution. Did they do so? No, not all. I doubt if they even listened to or read the suggestions. If they had done so, there would definitely have been no problems.
We wanted to know what was being written in each article of the new constitution. Nothing of that sort happened. They were passed at the rapidity of a Himalayan river flow. We expected the President to read out the contents as he issued the new law book. He didn’t. We thought the Speaker of the CA might. He didn’t either. We now have a constitution for “ourselves”, the content of which we clearly do not know. Some of us might opt to read the document, but not all people in Nepal can read or write. Also, the jargon related to law cannot be understood by all. What we wanted was the radios, TVs and newspapers bringing up the matters of the constitution to be understood by all. Even that did not happen.
Result. A long strike in the Terai that has affected the lives of people all over the country. Neither ex-PM Sushil Koirala nor the current PM K.P. Oli seem to understand that we have been deprived of the accurate information on the constitution. The leaders of Terai have conveyed a message there that the people have been deprived of their rights. We hear occasionally that it is not the case, but there is no formal declaration from the government on the topic. Who knows what’s been written in the Prime Law if they (leaders) don’t clearly tell what the people have got and what they haven’t?
The same is the problem with the leaders from Terai. They say they have certain demands that must be fulfilled. I am sure most of the common people in the Terai do not even realise what they are asking. Those “leaders” who are concentrating on a regional politics must understand that it will not succeed if majority of the people from the country do not want all their demands to be met. If the leaders from Terai want the people of “Pahad” and “Himal” to support them, they should become a national leader and make people understand what they are actually asking for. Who will go asking what they want if they don’t tell?
I have seen comment-wars between “Pahades” and “Madhesis”on Facebook. They don’t convey a positive message. It’s also an example of prevalent racism. However, there is almost no logical discussion. If someone tries to talk logically, one of the other groups gets enraged at them. If a Madhesi talks about welfare of a Pahade, he becomes an outcast. Similar is the situation on the other side. How can you understand one’s problem if you close your ears? How can you expect the other to listen if you express yourself rudely?
Communication is all we need at the moment. In absence of a good talk, there will always be confusions and misunderstandings. We do not want something that happened in this story I read many years ago.
Once, a boy went to his sister-in-law, who had been living with her parents for some months. His brother had quarreled with her and she did not want to go. The boy’s brother was tormented by what he had done to his wife. The boy had come to take her back home. He was treated well by her sister-in-law and her parents. When they asked about his brother, he remembered what grief he was in. His expression showed sadness. They asked again if his brother was alright. He could not say a word about his brother. Tears rolled down his cheeks. His sister-in-law and her parents thought that the boy’s brother had died. She went hurriedly in despair to her home to see her husband alive. The problem was solved, but not without troubles. The boy was condemned for the confusion he had created.
Such is the result of communication gap. That’s why I have been saying to speak up. How do we know what’s in your heart if you don’t tell?
Freespirit (Jane) of wannatalkavenscent had nominated me for this challenge on 11th of November. The rules of this challenge are:
1. Post three consecutive days.
2. You can pick one or three quotes per day.
3. Challenge three different bloggers per day.
समाजले मान्छेको बाहिरी सतही रूपमा मात्र हेरेर यो मान्छे त कति राम्रो, त्यो मान्छे कति कुरुप भन्ने गर्थ्यो तर मलाई कोहि अनुहारले राम्रो र नराम्रो कहिल्यै लागेन |
–झमक घिमिरे, जीवन काँडा कि फूल?
Translation:
“The society examines a person’s beauty superficially and says this is beautiful and that is ugly but I never judged a person’s beauty by their face.”
Jhamak Ghimire, Jeevan Kaanda ki Phool (Is Life a Thorn or a Flower)
Jhamak Ghimire is a Nepali writer born with cerebral palsy. Her body is paralyzed and she cannot talk. With only two toes of left foot working, she writes her emotions on paper. The book from which this quote is taken won the Madan Puraskar, the greatest prize of Nepali Literature. Each and every word of her book is an inspiration. She has changed the meaning of disability. “Disability is not an inability to move your limbs,” she says, “but an inability to use your thoughts for welfare of the society.”
I have nominated the following three people:
Freespirit (Jane) of wannatalkavenscent had nominated me for this challenge on 11th of November. The rules of this challenge are:
1. Post three consecutive days.
2. You can pick one or three quotes per day.
3. Challenge three different bloggers per day.
“I’m an adventurer, looking for treasure.”
-Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
Santiago, the shepherd reaches Africa, where he is robbed off his little wealth. Torn between the despair of being cheated and the goal he has to pursue, he finally decides to move on.
We, too are adventurers. We seek our own treasures- happiness. We might have to face troubles in our ways, but we have to move on. Nothing can be compared with the happiness and satisfaction, we get at the end of our adventures.
I have nominated the following three people: