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रूदाने : “थाहा” अभियान र वर्तमानलाई पाठ

On September 14, 2024

In Book Review, Blogging, History, Humanity, Humans and Humanity, Literature, Nepali, Politics, नेपाली

थाहा र रूदानेसँग परिचय

सञ्जीव उप्रेतीको “घनचक्कर” उपन्यासको वाचक ठाउँठाउँमा “खोज” र “थाहा” लेखिएको देख्छ । “यो सबैतिर कसले लेखेको होला ?” प्रश्न गर्छ । उत्तर आउँछ, “मकवानपुरतिरका एक शिक्षकले ।” घनचक्करले सङ्केत गरेका शिक्षक रहेछन् थाहा आन्दोलनका प्रणेता रूपचन्द्र बिष्ट । तीन वर्षअघि तिनकै जीवनमा आधारित “रूदाने” नामको चलचित्रको पोस्टर र टिजर हेरेपछि उनी को होलान् भन्ने खुल्दुली बढेको थियो । यद्यपि उनको बारेमा धेरै कुराहरूको ज्ञान भने थिएन । “रूदाने” नाममै उपन्यास आउन लाग्यो भनेर प्रवीण ढुङ्गेलले बुकाहोलिक्समा पोस्ट गर्नुभएपछि यो किताब प्रकाशन हुनासाथ पढ्नुपर्छ भन्ने लाग्यो ।

एम्बिसन गुरु एपमा इबुक छ भन्ने पत्ता लागेपछि किनेँ तर एपको रिडर भर्खर बनेको रैछ । किताब पढ्न मिल्ने तर न अध्याय छान्न मिल्ने न त हाइलाइट र बुकमार्क राख्न । पेपरब्याक ६०० रूपैयाँमा पाइने भनेर त भनेकै थियो विज्ञापनमा । एक दिनभित्र पाइने भनेर मगाइयो ।

तर केही समस्याले गर्दा एक दिन पछि मात्रै हात पर्‍यो ।

विषय सूचि

उपन्यासको संरचना

आवरण राम्रो लाग्यो । छाप्रोको भित्तामा रूदाने नाम, “रू” बाट निस्किएको हाते स्पिकर र त्यसबाट ध्वनि जसरी आइरहेको “थाहा” । पढ्न थालियो । छोटाछोटा वाक्य अनि छोटै अध्यायहरू । छिटो सकिने जस्तो लागेपछि पढ्ने जोश झनै बढ्यो । छोटा वाक्यहरूले कतैकतै दु:ख पनि दिए । एउटै वाक्यमा भन्न सकिने कुराहरू पनि टुक्रिएर आउँथे । उदाहरणका लागि :

“ढिलासम्म सुत्ने र उठेपछि गाउँ डुल्न निस्किने । मुख्य काम ।” (पृ. ५)

“धेरै मजदुर बालुवा निकालिरहेका थिए । पुरनमान थियो । उसका लठैतहरू थिए ।” (पृ. २७)

पृष्ठ ११ को “आँसु” अध्यायको पहिला दुई वाक्यमध्ये एउटा हटाउन मिल्छ:

“गोपाली गाउँबाट घोडा दौडिएको घर्तीखोलाबाटै देखियो । एक साँझ हाम्रो ध्यान गोपाली गाउँतिर सोझियो ।”

त्यस्तै, उमा शाहले बच्चा जन्माएर स्कूल फेरि जान थालेपछि छोरी जन्मेको देखाइएको छ (पृ. १३२, १३३, १३६, १३७)। पृष्ठ १९७ मा “गोडमेल” भन्ने एउटा शीर्षक भेटिन्छ । यो छुट्टै अध्याय हुनुपर्ने होला । अन्तिम अध्यायमा न्यारेटर परिवर्तन हुँदा को हो ठ्याक्कै खुल्दैन । कुनै भाइ जस्तो लागेको थियो तर एक ठाउँ स्त्रीसूचक क्रियापद प्रयोग गरिएकाले बहिनी गीता हुन् कि ?

रूपचन्द्र बिष्ट अर्थात् रूदाने

उपन्यासका मुख्य वाचक/नायक रूपचन्द्र बिष्ट (रूदाने) झर्रो बोली बोल्छन् । सुरुमा त ठीकै लाग्यो । कतैकतै हासो नि लाग्यो । तर पूरै उपन्यास भरी एउटै टोन नभएको भए हुन्थ्यो । पढ्दै जाँदा नायक त बाहुबली नै हुन् कि झैं लाग्ने । पछि बुझ्दा त बलबुद्धी दुवैमा तगडा रहेछन् । “मात चढेका बेला” साँढेसँग जुध्ने उनी अरूले बोलेका कुरा जस्ताको तस्तै भनिदिने रहेछन् । पन्ध्र मिनेट बोलेको कुरालाई पाँच मिनेट, तीन मिनेट, एक मिनेट र एक वाक्यमा छोट्याउन सिकाउने रहेछ्न् । संक्षेपीकरणको अभ्यास उनका नामहरूमा पनि देखिन्छ । जस्तै, रूपचन्द्र दामन नेपाल (रूदाने), जनमुखी सदस्य रूपचन्द्र (जसरू), स्वतन्त्र रूपचन्द्र (स्वरूपे) आदि । उनले औपचारिक पठन बाहेक अतिरिक्त क्रियाकलापलाई पनि प्रश्रय दिएका रहेछन् । बालेन शाहले काठमाडौं महानगरमा सुरु गरेको “बुक फ्री फाइडे” जस्तै कृषिसम्बन्धी दैनिक स्कूलमै सिकाउने कार्य त रूपचन्द्रले पहिल्यै सुरुवात गरेका रहेछन् । राजनीति, समाज, देशका बारेमा पनि उनले सबै विद्यार्थीलाई सिकाउने गरेका रहेछन् । नेपालीमा पढ्दा पनि नबुझिरहेका विद्यार्थीलाई अङ्ग्रेजीमा पढाउँदा विरोध पनि गरिएछ । ज्ञानको दायरा बढाउन पनि अङ्ग्रेजी पढ्नुपर्छ भन्ने तर्कका आधारमा उक्त कार्यलाई निरन्तरता दिइएछ ।

साविकको अमरज्योति निमाविलाई जनकल्याण मावि बनाएर प्रधानाध्यापक बन्नुअघि उनी प्रधानपञ्च पनि बनेका रहेछन् । विकास कार्यका लागि आफैं ढुङ्गा फोड्न जाने, ढुङ्गा बोकाउन लगाउने र जनश्रमदानको प्रसङ्गमा भने हर्क साम्पाङ सम्झिएँ । फटाहा र भ्रष्टचारीसँग बोल्ने तरिका दुवैको उस्तैउस्तै लाग्यो । विकास गर्ने क्रममा पञ्चायतका मतियारहरूसँग दुश्मनी पनि भयो । पछि उनले सुरु गरेका उन्नत बाली उब्जाने, विकासे नश्ल भित्र्याउने, विकासका कामहरूका विषयमा छलफल गर्न बनाउन सुरु गरेको विकास घर र अन्य योजनाहरू असफल बनाइयो ।

सारा गाउँलाई साक्षी राखेर विवाहसभा गरेर उमा शाहसँग विवाह गरेका उनको विवाह सम्बन्ध टुट्यो । लगभग त्यही समयमा विद्यालयमा भएको व्यापक विरोधका कारण प्रधानाध्यापक पदबाट राजीनामा दिनुपर्यो । पञ्चायतका समर्थकले उनको पिछा गरे मार्नै खोजे । देवघाटमा भतिजहरूको व्रतबन्ध भइरहेको बेला अनौठो हर्कत गर्दै नारायणीमा फाल हाले ।

जोगीको भेष धरेर फर्किएका उनी भाइको आग्रहमा दामनको भ्यु टावरमा बस्न थाले । उनमा केही परिवर्तन आएको जस्तो देखिन्छ । सामन्तीकै पक्षमा रहेका भनेका भाइ गुणचन्द्रको कुरा मानेर त्यहाँ बसे । राजनीतिक उचाइ पनि त्यहीँ बसेकै बखत पाए राष्ट्रिय पञ्चायतको दुईपटक सदस्य भएर । पञ्चायत प्रणालीमा रहेर पञ्चायतकै विरोध गर्दै राजनीति गर्न पारिवारिक साथ पनि मिल्यो । राष्ट्रिय पञ्चायतको दोस्रो कार्यकालमा भने बाबुको इच्छा पुर्‍याउन करमा घर बनाउँदा (पछि दाजुभाइकै बीचमा किचलो पनि उब्जियो) अनि सुविधाको गाडी लिँदा उनका प्रतिद्वन्द्वीले विरोध गरे । त्यस कुराले बहुदल पुनःस्थापनापश्चात् भएको चुनावमा उनलाई घाटा पुग्यो । यद्यपि उनलाई गाली गर्दै सर्वहाराको प्रतिनिधित्व गर्छौं भन्दै ब्रह्मलुट गरिरहेकै छन् । सङ्गठन नहुनु पनि उनको हारको कारण थियो तर सङ्गठन किन नबाउने भन्ने कुरामा भने उनी प्रष्ट थिए :

सङ्गठनले हामीलाई पक्षपाती बनाउँछ । हामी निष्पक्ष हुन सक्दैनौँ । एउटा सङ्गठनमा भएपछि मैले गल्ती गरेँ भने पनि तिमीहरूले मलाई चुपचाप साथ दिनुपर्छ । सङ्गठन भन्नेबित्तिकै कोभन्दा को ठुलो भन्ने कुरा सबभन्दा अगाडि आउँछ । (पृ. २०७)

जीवनको अन्त्यतिर थाहा पाउनुपर्नेले थाहा पाएनन्, पाएकाले पनि साथ छोडेकाले उनी विरक्तिएको कुरा पढ्दै गर्दा मन साह्रै कुँडियो । रूपचन्द्रले स्वतन्त्र हुँदा पाएको सूर्य चिह्नको फाइदा एमालेले लिएको रहेछ भन्ने थाहा पाउँदा छक्कै परेँ । बालेन र हर्कले लौरो चिह्नमा छुट्टाछुट्टै ठाउँमा जितेपछि त्यही चिह्न लिएर मधुसूदन पाठक (सिते बा) हरूले पार्टी खोलेको कुरा झट्ट याद आयो ।

उपन्यासका कमजोर पक्ष

“रूदाने” को सबैभन्दा कमजोर पक्ष तिथिमिति, उमेर ठ्याक्कै नहुनु हो । तिथिमिति थाहा पाउन इतिहासका धेरै कुरामा जानकार हुनुपर्छ । राणाकाल कहिले सुरु भयो, पञ्चायत कहिलेदेखि लागू भयो, जनमतसङ्ग्रह कहिले भयो, जनआन्दोलन कहिले भयो भन्ने त याद थियो । तर रूपचन्द्र बिष्ट प्रधानपञ्च कहिले भए, उनको विवाह कहिले भयो, नारायणीमा कहिले फाल हाले अनि कति समय हराए, राष्ट्रिय पञ्चायतका सदस्य कहिले भए भन्ने प्रश्नहरूको जवाफका लागि अरू सामग्रीको आवश्यकता पर्छ । उपन्यासकारले रूदानेले झैं, “आफैं थाहा पा भाते, पत्ता लगा” पो भनेका हुन् कि ?

उपन्यासको अर्को कमजोर पक्ष शोविङ (showing) भन्दा टेलिङ (telling) को ज्यादा प्रयोग हो । “कविता लेखेँ” भनेको ठाउँमा उनले लेखेकामध्ये कुनै कविता राख्न सकिन्थ्यो । कसैलाई केही कुरा भनेको वा छलफल भएको भनिएको विषयमा दोहोरो संवाद राखिएको भए हुन्थ्यो । उपन्यासका रूदाने धेरैजसो पर्चामा लेखिएका र केही पुराना रेकर्डमा भनेका कुराहरू संवादका रूपमा बोलिरहन्छन् । वाचक मात्रै बोलिरहँदा वास्तविक रूपचन्द्र विष्ट आफू मात्रै बोल्थे अरूका कुरा सुन्दैनथे कि भन्ने पर्यो । अरूका कुरा नसुन्ने त थिएनन् होला । नारायणीमा फाल हानेर साधुको भेषमा आएपछि अनि राष्ट्रिय पञ्चायतको सदस्य भएपछि भाइको कुरा सुनेका प्रसङ्गले गर्दा उनी अरूका कुरा सुन्दैनथे भन्न पनि सकिँदैन ।

हुन त एउटा किताबमा कुनै व्यक्तिको सिङ्गो जीवन समेट्न असम्भव हुन्छ तर केही महत्त्वपूर्ण कुराहरू छुटेका छन् । विष्णुप्रसाद आचार्यले अनलाइन खबरमा लेखेको “रूदाने” उपन्यासको समीक्षामा रूपचन्द्र बिष्टका एक छोरी र एक छोरा थिए भन्ने पढियो तर उपन्यासमा एक छोरीको मात्रै कुरा छ । ती पनि सपनाजस्तो आउँछिन् अनि त्यसै बिलाउँछिन् । सम्बन्ध विच्छेद पछि उमा शाह र छोराछोरी कहाँ गए, रूपचन्द्रसँग सम्पर्कमा थिए कि थिएनन् भन्ने खुल्दैन । केपी ओली जम्माजम्मी दुई ठाउँ आउँछन् तर दुईको बीचमा खासै संवाद हुँदैन जबकि एउटा फोटोमा दुबै “थाहा” लेखिएको स्कुटरपछाडि देखिन्छन् ।

रूपचन्द्र विष्टले “व्यवस्था निर्दलीय राजनीति बहुदलीय हुनुपर्छ” भनेका रहेछन् विमर्शसँगको अन्तरवार्तामा (स्रोत: थाहा-निष्पक्ष सक्रियताको अभ्यास, पृ. २२४, https://thaha-rudane.org/) । उपन्यासमा पनि यो नारा आउँछ तर व्याख्या भने आउँदैन । यो विषय मलाई एकदमै रोचक लाग्यो तर ठ्याक्कै कस्तो हो बुझ्नै सकिनँ । फेरि त्यही अन्तरवार्तामा (किताबमा अलि पछि) “बहुदलीय बहुला व्यवस्था हो । निर्दलीय निर्दयी व्यवस्था हो ।” भनेका रहेछन् । बहुला र निर्दयी व्यवस्थाको संयोजन ठीक होला र भनेर न पत्रकारले सोधेका छन् न त उपन्यासका कुनै पात्रले ।

केही गहकिला नारा पनि छुटेका रहेछन् । जस्तै :

एक प्रश्न

चार माना माटोसँग
तेरो नाता पर्‍यो भनेर
माटाको भाँडाले तँसित
दोस्ती सोस्ती गर्‍यो भनेर
बसिस् कैद गमलामा
सिङ्गै पृथ्वीलाई छोडेर ।

हामी कसैका होइनौं, कोही हाम्रा होइनन्
हामी सत्य र न्यायका, सत्य र न्याय हाम्रो

उपन्यासका सुन्दर पक्ष

घटनाक्रमको शिलशिलेवार प्रस्तुति, रूदानेका जीवनका मुख्य घटना र थाहा दर्शनको परिचय यस उपन्यासका सबल पक्ष हुन् । अघिल्लो पुस्तामा केही छाप छोडेका तर पछिल्लो पुस्ताले बिर्सिन लागिसकेका पात्रको बारेमा थप जान्ने उत्सुकता जगाउन उपन्यास सफल छ । रूपचन्द्र विष्टको विगतलाई हेर्दै वर्तमानमा केही पाठ सिक्न सकिन्छ जुन यस लेखको अन्त्यमा समेटिएका छन् ।

केही बिझेका कुरा

यो जीवनी नभएर उपन्यास भएकाले औपन्यासिक स्वतन्त्रताको अपेक्षा स्वाभाविक नै हो । यद्यपि लेखकले नै किताबमा “यस्तो त भएको थिएन भन्ने लाग्यो भने लेखकको सफलता हो” लेख्दा चैं संशय जाग्यो । “घनचक्कर”को वाचकले कुन सत्य कुन कल्पना कुन घटनाको कस्तो शिलशिला थाहा नपाएजस्तो रनभुल्लमा त परिएन ?

धेरै ठाउँमा रूपचन्द्रले आफूले गरेको ठीक अरूले गरेको बेठीक भनेका छन् । पञ्चायतको समर्थन पनि गरेका रहेछन् । उपन्यासमा यो कुरै छैन । उनले पञ्चायतको नेतृत्वमा सबै नराम्रा छैनन् केही नराम्राले हैकम जमाएका छन् भने झैं गणतन्त्रका नेताहरूका बारेमा पनि सुन्दै आएको कुरा हो । फेरि बहुदलीय पद्धतिले जित्ने भएपछि अवसरवादी झैं यसको समर्थन गरेको देखिन्छ उपन्यासमा । यस्तो हैन भन्ने लेखहरू पनि भेटिए तर खुङ्खार पञ्चे, मण्डलेहरू प्रजातन्त्रका हिमायती बनेर शासन गरिरहेकै छन् । कुन वयवस्था ठीक भन्ने कुराको बहस जरुरी थियो ।

स्वास्थ्य सुधार भइरहेका बेला किन बिरामी परे अनि मृत्युअघि के स्वास्थ्य समस्या देखिएको थियो भन्ने कुरा उपन्यासमा प्रष्ट छैन । कुनै षड्यन्त्रमा परे कि भनेर कुनै पात्रले सोचेका पनि छैनन् ।

धनुष के. को “थाहा” नाम गरेको युट्युब च्यानलमा रामनारायण बिडारीलाई विरोधी समूहले जनकल्याण मावि मा भर्ना गरेर ल्याएको भनिएको रहेछ । रामनारायण बिडारीले पनि पद्मोदयमा पढाई छाडेर जनकल्याण गएको अनि रूपचन्द्र बिष्टका विरुद्धमा नाराबाजी गरेको स्वीकारेका छन् । तर गुरु रूपचन्द्रले बिडारीलाई विश्वास गरेर पटकपटक मौका पनि दिएका छन् । तर फेरि एक ठाउँमा बिडारीलाई ढिलो आएको भनेर मुखमा थुकेको अनि बिडारीले अत्ति भयो भनेर चुनावी प्रचारप्रसार छोडेको प्रसङ्ग पनि छ । वर्षौं सँगै हिँडेका चेलालाई ढिलो भएकै कारण थुके होलान् भन्ने चैं पत्याउनै गाह्रो भयो । अनि पछि बिडारी काठमाडौं-१ बाट चुनावमा उठेका बेला सहयोग गर्न पनि आए । यी गुरुचेला बिचको सम्बन्धमा भएका उतारचढाव त देखियो तर घटनाक्रमका कारण र भावनाहरू अलि नमिलेजस्तो, केही नपुगेजस्तो लाग्यो ।

अजेयराज सुमार्गी अति नै सकारात्मक रूपमा आउनु पनि मलाई अचम्म लाग्यो । नेपालका सबै नेतालाई खल्तीमा राख्छु भन्ने विवादित व्यापारी सुमार्गीले जनमुखी राजनीति गरेका त होलान् तर आफ्नै फाइदाको लागि हो कि ? “रूदाने” पुस्तक विमोचन उनकै हातबाट गरिएको रैछ । विष्टको परिवार वा आफन्तबाट कोही किन थिएनन् मञ्चमा ? थाहा आन्दोलनमा लागेकाहरू नै एकअर्का प्रति पूर्वाग्रही भएका हुन् कि ? रूपचन्द्रका भतिज रणसङ्ग्राम बिष्टले त सुमार्गीलाई कालाकुवेरको संज्ञा दिँदै थाहा दर्शन भन्दै कालो धन जोडेको आरोप नै लगाएका रहेछन् । तथापि घर बनाउने बेलामा भएको मुद्दामामिला पछि रूपचन्द्रले दाजुभाइसँग खासै सम्पर्क नगरेजस्तो उपन्यासमा देखिन्छ । दागबत्ती दिनसमेत स्वनाम साथी (शशि शेरचन) लाई रूपचन्द्रले छानेको र सोहीअनुसार गरिएकाले घरपरिवारले नै वास्ता नगरेको हो कि भन्ने पनि प्रश्न उब्जिन्छ ।

थाहा दर्शन र आन्दोलनलाई आफूले प्रश्रय दिएको देखाउनेहरू धेरै नै रहेछन् तर वर्षको दुईचोटि सम्झनेबाहेक खासै केही गरेको जस्तो लाग्दैन । रूपचन्द्रले सुरु गरेका पुस्तकालय जोगाउन नसक्नेहरूले थाहा दर्शनको कुरा गरेको कत्ति सुहाएन । “थाहा” नाममा मिडिया, गैरसरकारी संस्था र राजनीति गर्दैमा यस दर्शनको प्रचार हुने पनि हैन ।

वर्तमान पुस्ताका लागि रूदानेको जीवनबाट पाठ

दोषी को ?

केटाकेटी बिग्रे बाबुआमा दोषी
जनता बिग्रे सरकार दोषी
सरकार बिग्रे व्यवस्था दोषी
यथार्थमुखी, कर्तव्यमुखी बाहेक
पछुवा, भगुवा सारा दोषी

जात ठुलो कि जनता ?
नाता ठुलो कि न्याय ?
स्वार्थ ठुलो कि निस्वार्थ ?
– रूदाने

समाज बिग्रेको, देश बिग्रेको हामी देखिरहेका छौँ । जता हेर्‍यो त्यतै दूषित सोच र राजनीति देखेर वर्तमान पुस्ता आजित भएको छ । आफ्नो र आफ्नो परिवारको पेट भर्नु नै प्राय: सबैको चिन्ताको विषय बनेको छ । चरम राजनीतिकरण र दलीयकरणले हामीलाई दास बनाइरहेकै छ जसका बारेमा पहिले पनि लेखिसकेको छु : के नेपालीको दलीय सोच तोडिएला ? । प्रजातन्त्र लोकतन्त्र जे भने पनि सत्तामा रहनेकै हालीमुहाली छ । लोकतन्त्रमै शङ्का छ । स्वतन्त्रता नाम मात्रैको छ (के हामी स्वतन्त्र छौँ ?) । रूपचन्द्र विष्ट राजनीतिमा आउँदा गरीब जनताको अवस्था जस्तो थियो अहिले पनि त्यस्तै छ । समयसँग आउनेबाहेक तात्विक परिवर्तन छैन । समाज पावर र पैसाको पछि कुदेको छ । पावर र पैसा हुनेहरू मैमत्त साँढेजस्ता छन्, कामवासना र मदिराका दास बनेका छन् । धर्म (नैतिकता) बिर्सेका छन् । एकले अर्कोलाई विश्वास गर्नै सकिँदैन । यस्तोमा हामी एकजना मसिहा वा नायक खोज्दैछौँ जसले सारा समस्या एक झट्कामा समाधान गरिदियोस् । तर मसिहाले समस्या समाधान गर्ने हैन । आफ्नो लडाईं आफैं लड्ने हो ।

रूदानेले पनि त्यही नै भनिरहे । छाप्रेको राजनीति महल हुनेले गर्दैन । महिलाको राजनीति पुरुषले गर्दैन । विकास कुनै नेताले ल्याउने हैन, जनता आफैंले हो । यसतर्फ काम भइरहेजस्तो त देखिन्छ तर जबसम्म सबै जाग्दैनन् तबसम्म देश विकास हुन असम्भव छ । जे छ ठीक छ भन्ने प्रवित्ति त गलत हो नै, भएका सम्पदा नचिन्नु र चिनेर पनि उपयोग गर्न नसक्नाले हामी गरीब बन्दै गएका छौं । केही व्यक्तिले प्रयास गरेर देश विकास हुने हैन । त्यसबेला रूदाने वैकल्पिक राजनीति गर्दै थिए, अहिले बालेन, हर्क, गोपी हमालहरू आएका छन् । विरोधीहरूको पनि कमी छैन । पहिला पञ्चायत र पछि दलहरू रूपचन्द्रलाई सिध्याउन लागे । अहिले राजनीतिक दलहरू स्वतन्त्र व्यक्तिहरूमा के कमजोरी भेटिन्छ र प्रहार गर्न सकिन्छ भन्ने दाउ खोजिरहन्छन् । यिनलाई असफल बनाएर होस् वा यिनकै कार्यलाई अपनाउदै होस् जनतालाई भ्रमित बनाउन लागिपरेका छन् । पञ्चायतकालमा दरबार र दरबारका आसेपासेले कार्यपालिका, व्यवस्थापिका, न्यायपालिका सबै कब्जा गरेका थिए । अहिले “राजनीतिक” दलहरूले त्यस्तै गरेका छन् । पञ्चायत कालमा झैँ अहिलेका दलहरू सुकुम्बासी उत्पादन गर्न उद्दत छन् सस्तो काम र भोटका लागि ।

चरम राजनीतीकरण विरुद्ध केही प्रयास भए पनि ती पर्याप्त छैनन् । दलीयकरणको विरोध गर्न दल नै खोल्नुपर्ने अफ्ठ्यारो व्यवस्था छ । बहुदल लागू हुँदा पञ्चायतलाई “खाए पाएर अघाएका” र बहुदलवादीलाई “खान नपाएका” भन्दै “हेर्दै जानू बहुदलवादीले कसरी देश बिगार्छ्न्” भनेका रहेछन् । नभन्दै बहुदलवादीले देशलाई उल्टो बाटोमा लगेका छन् । व्यवस्था अन्त्य गर्न नदिन जनता फुटाएका छन् दल, जातजाति अनि अनेकौँ नाममा । “व्यवस्था ठीक छ, अवस्था मात्रै बेठीक हो” भन्ने साथीहरूले पनि व्यवस्था ठीक नभएरै अवस्था ठीक नभएको हो भन्ने बुझे हुन्थ्यो । अहिले उदाएका स्वतन्त्र आवाजहरू थाक्लान्, धर्ती छाडेर जालान् । उनीहरूका नाममा अरूले राजनीति गर्लान् । नागरिकले आफ्नो लडाईं नलडेसम्म खुद्रे राजनीतिक परिवर्तनलाई क्रान्ति भन्नुपर्ने अवस्था रहिरहनेछ । त्यसैले प्रश्न गरौँ, खोजौँ, बुझौँ, थाहा पाऔँ !

Isolation

By Sandeept

On May 25, 2020

In Personal, Blogging, Life, Musings

I have included some strips of the manga Koe no Katachi by Yoshitoki Ooima in this blog. Please read the strips from right to left.

When I watched Koe no Katachi aka A Silent Voice/The Shape of Voice, watched several video essays on it on YouTube, and later read the manga, I could relate the most to Shouya Ishida’s character. I was not a bully but I used to be nasty at times. However, the similarity lies in the ways he isolates himself. His isolation was a reflection of my own, and it took me back to my own school days.

I grew up pretty fast during my childhood, psychologically as well as physically. The problems of my home changed me from a carefree, outgoing boy into a worrying introvert. I spent my childhood trying to maintain good grades under the expectations of my parents and teachers. I hit puberty faster than most of my classmates, and that made me feel distant from the rest. Until I was 12, I had a few best friends, but none of them stayed long. I believed that I could have only one best friend, but that best friend was never permanent. After 6^th Grade, I could not even tell who my best friend was. I had imaginary friends since I was 8. I spent most of my adolescence with them.

Koe no Katachi took me to those days and made me think: Why didn’t I have no friends then? Why did I keep myself in isolation? My house was in the end of a small goreto beside a stream now turned into sewer. I never brought anyone home. I never went to anyone’s. I was scared I might get lost if I went anywhere other than my home and school. At the age of 3 or 4, I had actually lost at Ason. Had the Lamini Aama, who lives in our neighbourhood not found me, I don’t know what would happen to the proud Ankit/Sandeept that is today. But these were all secondary. The primary reason was my pride.

As long as I remember, I have always been proud. I was proud of my good-looks. I was proud of my high-pitched voice. I was proud of my memory. I was proud of my hard-work. I was proud of my timeliness. I was proud of my ability to speak well in public.

The first blow to my pride came in the form of the crooked tooth that somehow changed my good-looks. The second blow was the change in my voice-pitch. The pride of my memory ‘poofed’ when I realized that my brain could not remember everything and that the memories were ever changing. My pride of timeliness, hard-work and my ability to speak up facts from memory got kicked away once again in March when I did my worst presentation ever. But I still did not let go of my pride.

With pride, I had cultivated ego, and I enclosed myself within its walls. This wall has stayed ever since I realized I was different from my classmates, and that I could not easily mix with them. I had several problems. I could not stand them shouting out obscenities, I could not stand them fighting for petty things, I could not stand them taking my note-books, I could not stand them talking about ‘Street Fighter’, I could not stand them joining social media, I could not stand their aggression. In short, I could not stand the adolescents being adolescents. My “matured outlook” was actually my ego. I grew it in such a way that I did not frankly talk to anyone. I pushed them and have always tried pushing other friends and people away from me. I shoved some of them so hard that I have never had life-long friends.

In Koe no Katachi, the anime, Shouya Ishida shuts his ears, and crosses out everyone. That’s who I was, and still am. While my classmates had fun in the class, enjoying the never-returning times of their lives, I ignored their voices, canceled them out and concentrated on books. I used to be in the classroom, but I used to be aloof from whatever they did. Whatever they did, I thought, was nonsense. What I did, always right.

Shouya's isolation is a reflection of my own

Looking back, I was never sad that I did not have much good memories with my childhood friends. I had my biggest lesson on large-group friendship when I was in my Bachelor’s. That was the time I enjoyed with my friends the most. But back in my head, I still had a doubt like Ishida has at the midway in his character arc, “Is this what friends are like? Am I allowed to be in their friendship, and to be happy?”

By now, I have again been hit by a realization. Even the largest groups of friends dissemble at some point of time. People who used to spill out all secrets, get along with awkward smiles when they meet after a long time. The dimensions of friendship changes with time and it’s natural. Nobody remains the same. I am, however jealous of some of my friends who can keep more than one best-friend in their life and respect each one of them. I am jealous that they can maintain the same dynamics that they created in their childhood. They are the polar opposites of someone like me, one who believes that there can only be one best-friend, and loses even that best-friend eventually.

Koe no Katachi, the anime, shook the walls of my ego; the manga cracked it further. As I dug deeper into my psyche, I realized that I could have been more accepting. I could have enjoyed a bit of “the trifles” of my friends. I could have a bigger heart and accepted many best-friends in my life. I could have been proud of the fact that I valued friendship over my own pride-generated ego. I apologize to you all, my friends, that I could never see anything beyond my ego. That I never tried to understand you; that I did not try to accept you, not even once.

Will I be able to break the walls of ego? I don’t know. Even after the blow it got, it still stands. I have come to a realization that only I can break it. The wall, however, is many-layered and has made my personality. Breaking that wall means that I will have to change my personality to some extent. But am I ready for that alteration? Am I ready to face my demons? Am I ready to move out of my comfort zone? I don’t know. But I am inspired by Ishida when he says in the manga: “There is some things you just can’t change. …I think it’s the time you spend trying to change. …That’s more important.”

I want, my friends, not to push you away; I want to understand you, your perspectives; I want to be more accepting of you; I want to be no more jealous of you; and I want infinite joy whenever I interact with you.

७ दिन ७ पुस्तक

By Sandeept

On March 21, 2020

In Blogging, Book Review, Nepali, नेपाली

फेसबुकमा केही वर्षदेखि नै ७ दिन ७ पुस्तक च्यालेन्ज देखेकाे थिएँ । नेपाली पुस्तकप्रेमीहरूले पठन संस्कृतिकाे प्राेत्साहनका लागि ७ दिनसम्म ७ वटा पुस्तक कुनै पनि व्याख्या वा समीक्षाविना पाेस्ट गरिरहेका थिए । समीक्षासहितकाे चुनाैति पनि देखेकाे हुँदा केही नलेखी फाेटाे मात्र राख्दा कसैले ‘ढर्रा पारेकाे’ भन्ने हाे कि भन्ने शंका जाग्थ्याे । गुगलबाट खाेजेर किताबकाे फाेटाे राख्न पनि गाह्राे छैन । व्याख्या वा समीक्षाविना पाेस्ट गरिरहँदा अरूलाई पठनप्रति आकर्षण गर्न सकिन्छ र ? भन्ने प्रश्न पनि मनमा थियाे ।

साथी गौरी बम्जनको च्यालेन्ज स्वीकार गर्नुअघि माथी उठेका प्रश्नहरू बारे सोचेँ । व्याख्या गर्न मन हुँदा पनि नगरेर फोटोहरू हालेँ । ती पुस्तकहरू यहाँ प्रस्तुत गरेको छु । अनि ती पुस्तक किन छानेँ भन्ने कुरा पनि समेटेको छु (च्यालेन्ज दौरान नलेखे पनि) ।

१. मोती र गुलाफ (लोककथा सङ्ग्रह)- शिवहरि अधिकारी

कक्षा १ मा छँदै पुरस्कार स्वरूप पाएको यो किताब धेरै नै प्रिय छ । यसमा भएका ६ वटा कथाले मन छुन्छन् अनि केही नैतिक शिक्षा पनि दिन्छन् । धेरै वर्ष छिमेकमा बसेर फिर्ता आएकोले गर्दा पनि यो किताबप्रती आशक्ति अलि बढी छ ।

२. बनारसमा बेचिएकी बहिनी (निबन्ध सङ्ग्रह)– नगेन्द्र

आठ कक्षामा छँदा किताब र पत्रिका राखेको बक्सामा एकदिन यो पुस्तक भेटेको थिएँ । टङ्कनमा धेरै गल्ती भए पनि यसले सुरुमै आकर्षित गर्‍यो । यी निबन्धहरूले निबन्धप्रतिको दृष्टिकोण नै परिवर्तन गरे । मेरा कतिपय ब्लग पनि यी निबन्धबाट प्रभावित छन् ।

३. धुवाँ (कथा सङ्ग्रह)–आत्माराम शर्मा

बाबाले ल्याउनुभएको यो किताब ५ कक्षादेखिका धेरै बिदाहरूमा पढेको थिएँ । सामान्य मान्छेका असामान्य कथाहरूले रुवाउँथे । नपढेको धेरै भएको हुँदा धेरै कुरा याद छैनन् । फेरि छिट्टै पढ्नुपर्ने पुस्तक हो यो ।

४. एउटा कथा भन्नु न हजूरआमा (बालकथा सङ्ग्रह)- रमेश विकल

रमेश विकलका कथा र उपन्यासहरू विभिन्न उमेर समूह लक्षित छ्न् । बालबालिकाका लेखिएका यस सङ्ग्रहका कथाहरूले कल्पनाको संसारमा पुर्‍याउँछ्न् ।

५. जंगबहादुर (ऐतिहासिक उपन्यास)–श्रीकृष्ण श्रेष्ठ

साधना मासिकमा जङ्गबहादुर उपन्यासका अंश पढ्दा आङ सिरिङ्ग हुन्थ्यो । सानोमा धेरै पटक यी अंश पढेको थिएँ । पूरा उपन्यास पढ्न भने पोहोर साल मात्र जुर्‍यो, त्यो पनि जापान टुरको दौरान । यस उपन्यासको समीक्षा पोहोर साल लेखिसकेको छु ।

६. घनचक्कर (उपन्यास)–सञ्जीव उप्रेती

७. लिखे (उपन्यास)–शरद पौडेल

पागलपनको कथा बोकेको घनचक्कर पहिलो चोटि पढ्दा कायल भएको थिएँ । कक्षा ९ मा एउटा प्रतियोगितामा पुरस्कारको रूपमा पाएको दिन करिब ५ घण्टामा पढिसकेको थिएँ । त्यसपछिका वर्षहरूमा पढ्दा हरेक पल्ट नयाँ कथा र सोच भेटेको छु । पढेका नेपाली उपन्यासमध्ये सबैभन्दा माथिल्लो तहमा घनचक्करलाई राख्ने गरेको छु ।

नवयुवा मासिकमा लिखेका केही अंश पढेको थिएँ । “जङ्गबहादुर”झैँ यो किताब पनि देख्नेबित्तिकै किनेको थिएँ । बाग्लुङको सानो गाउँमा अछुत भनेर ठूला जात भनाउँदाले दिएका दु:ख र लिखेले सानै उमेरमा गर्नुपरेको संघर्षले मुटु कुँड्याउँछ ।

अन्त्यमा, मेरा प्रश्नका जवाफ पाएँ । व्याख्या नै नगरे पनि पुस्तकप्रति आकर्षित गराउन सकिँदो रहेछ । त्यसो भए यति लामो लेख किन ? किनकी यो नलेखी चित्त बुझाउनै सकिनँ । अनि यो लेखमार्फत अझै धेरैलाई आकर्षित गर्न सक्छु कि भन्ने सानो प्रयास (आश) हो ।

A review of the Year 2075

By Sandeept

On April 13, 2019

In Blogging, Review

The year 2075 B.S. is coming to an end as I am writing this article. The year has been tough but felt like it fluttered away in no time. Time management has been a big deal throughout the year and it’s stressing me a bit. So, here are the things I would like to remember from 2075.

1. At the University

By the end of 2074, I had already admitted in the Masters’ Degree Programme on Engineering Geology at the Central Department of Geology, Tribhuvan University. The classes began from the 9th of Baishakh and assignments began haunting. That week I was excited and completed them long before the submission deadline. However, as time passed, assignments became more than enough and the excitement died. I still completed them but only because I had to. The trend continued in the Second Semester and I regret doing them for the sake of doing.

University has mostly been a frustrating experience. The fees are high but the way we study is not different from what I had experienced at schools and Bachelors’ programme. “It’s like school,” is what I had concluded three months ago. Teachers come and give lectures, we jot them down. But a class is 3 hours long. By the time the class ends, notebooks are filled with incoherent sentences, easily forgettable shorthand, and loads of confusion.

The confusion, as I evaluated a few days back, is because I can’t get through the lessons beforehand. The books are way too technical and the meanings, vague. A lot of terms are defined in similar manner and there is very little time to dissect them. To my own surprise, I have been completely dependent on what my teachers say and I don’t want to revise anything soon because everything felt like heavily into my mind.

Whatever the situation be, it is fun to have people sharing the experience. My 23 friends have been a revelation. You guys are the best thing I got at the university!

You guys make my every day. What else should I say?

2. Poetry and Stories

The frustration wanted to vent out and the best way I discovered was through poems. Short, symbolic and satirical. I had begun to think in poems one time during the first semester. Then I went through the Mahabharat in Nepali and it helped me understand the rhythm in poems.

Though I was writing my frustrations through poetry, it felt insufficient. Also, the environment in the university became hostile to free, direct expression. So, I didn’t write articles, nor did I write anything on my diary. Whatever I am writing here is because I am leaving those things behind. No, I am not going to be frustrated nor sad for not expressing myself.

That’s why, during the second semester, I began writing short stories and continued on my novel. The basic idea was to complete the novel before I complete my four semesters. But I found a plot hole and had to stop. Then I wrote two short stories, one each in English and Nepali. The story in English got into the Top 25 and the latter, I sent to a nation-wise contest. The results will be announced, most probably, within this week.

3. Battle Royale

Before I was writing stories, I got involved in video games FIFA 15 and PUBG (recently banned – will conjure an article on it soon). The game gave me a brilliant idea, which had already become a controversial book and movie some 20 years back. Still, I was awed. I wrote a series of essays on the topic in October-November. Here they are:

Battle Royale: PUBG, the movie, the novel

Battle Royale: Themes in Movies and Books

Why Kazuo Kiriyama did not win the Battle

4. A Week in Japan

Though the university lacks the infrastructure and teaching methodology I had expected, it still provides opportunities to learn and I was lucky to be selected in the Sakura Science Exchange Programme (Feb 28-March 7) between TU (my university) and Shimane University, Japan. I am grateful to the both the universities for making the programme informative as well as fun.

I have a lot to say on the stuffs related to the tour but I couldn’t because the exams knocked on the day we returned back. I will be sharing my experiences there in due course of time.

5. Cats

So, after the tragedy with the kitten towards the end of 2074, I thought cats would leave us. But one of her siblings found ways into our house, and with his sneaky ways, he has been protecting himself and his another brother. He is not as close the deceased kitten but he has a cute way of asking what he wants. We brought the dead kitten’s cardboard house and so, he has been a happy guest for about six months now.

The grey male cat here helped me understand new things on parental behaviour in cats

Welcoming the Monsoon

By Sandeept

On June 12, 2018

In Blogging, Family, Humans and Humanity

Kathmandu has been wet this year. It rained throughout April and May only to be called pre-Monsoon by Meteorologists. Monsoon has just arrived and they say it will rain as much as it should.

On Sunday morning, the typical Monsoon clouds poured–the soft drizzle that comes down without much noise. It was fun walking in the rain with an umbrella over my head.

The rain stopped before I reached college. I put the umbrella in the corridor for drying, complained with my friends how it rained and ruined every morning, and attended my classes.

Later that day, I realized I lost my umbrella. It was a new one my Mom had bought less than a fortnight ago. She murmured about how careless I had been. She had the right to be angry. What would I do without a good umbrella this Monsoon? All I could do was say, “Let it be. If it’s gone, we won’t get it back lamenting.

I had lost it. But where?

“It was in the corridor,” you might say but I didn’t tell you that I had folded it as we went away to a canteen for lunch. I remembered taking the umbrella there but could not remember carrying it back. If the canteen owner had found it, it would be safe. If somebody else had found it, it would be gone.

Thankfully, I got the umbrella from the owner. She had kept it! I was speechless because I had not thought I would get the umbrella again. She brought me to senses by asking for a “Thank you”. (I was about to thank her anyway!) So, I thanked her.

Who teaches her?

By Sandeept

On December 30, 2017

In Blogging, Genetics, Love, Pet, Philosophical

I am astounded every time I look at her. She moves with grace and agility, plays with the table tennis ball as she should play with a mouse (and like a pro footballer), and jumps like an athlete. She grabs a piece of rag and drags it around. She smells the ground and discovers every corner of the house. She covers up her liquid and solid excreta. When she is hungry, she looks up, her eyebrows narrow, and cries, “Myau Myau”. Except during such hunger and times she’s irritated, this little tabby kitten understands the instructions we give her. Who teaches her to do all these things she does?

Billy on the stack of chairs

I met her first the first time in November with her twin. Their mother had left them after keeping them in a drum under the stairs. They were crying. We waited for their mother’s return but that cat did not return. We kept them in a box and started feeding them with milk in a bottle. The nutrition in the dairy milk we get is non-existent. The twins survived but were malnourished. We named them Lily and Billy.

Even when they were malnourished, Billy was the smarter among the two. She had figured out how to jump out of the box, how to play with her sibling and how to irritate her. Life was going on pretty good for them until two weeks later when their mother came back with two other kittens. Would she recognize and accept Lily and Billy and take them away? We thought it would be good if she did and at that, we made the mistake we should never have.

We showed the cat Lily and Billy on our roof. They were smaller than the other kittens she had brought but she seemed to recognize them from their scent. She wanted to take Billy first but the kitten was too stubborn and reluctant. She did not let the cat carry her. Lily too resisted but she was not as smart as her twin. The cat caught her scruff and took her away.

Lily and Billy the day before they were separated

The mother cat came back again. We decided to give up Billy as well. We did not know whether Lily-Billy could survive. Even if they died, it would be nice if they died together, we thought. After an effort of more than half an hour, the cat took Billy away. A little farther, she could not carry Billy. She was still struggling to get away. The cat tried her best to take her away but when she could not, left her. Billy cried alone on that balcony for more than an hour in front of our sight before we decided we would now adopt her as long as she wants to stay with us.

Meanwhile, the cat took away the fourth kitten and never returned for the kitten. She came back a few times to steal milk and we haven’t seen her for more than a fortnight now.

Now Billy is with us on her own. And she has learnt everything her instinct allows her. When she was with her twin, we thought they learnt together but even when this tabby is alone, she has learnt everything on her own. Who teaches her? I tried to know the answer. I discussed with my parents and my sister.

Does Nature teach her? How, though? Could Billy’s genes have carried her natural instincts and behaviours? Does the DNA carry all the things she needs for survival?

It’s strange to note that humans have very few individual survival instincts. We are not as agile as the cat, we don’t have the physical strength they have. We don’t even cover up our excreta as a natural instinct. It’s a learned social behaviour. Why does a cat have more survival instincts and more unique natural behaviours than a human? Aren’t we vain in saying that we are the smartest or the most intelligent creature on the planet? I have seen the kitten picking up our language before we picked up hers. How are we the only sapient beings? And finally, I came to the question that has intrigued people for ages: why are we here thriving (not just surviving) against all odds?

Humans are physically weak. We don’t have strong legs like that of the felines and canines. We don’t have strong teeth and claws to hunt. We don’t have a thick hide to protect us from cold. We don’t even have furs. The only strength we have is our large head (more than 2 kgs), which is also an evolutionary liability.

Yet, it is in our head the brain lies and it has the ability to analyze the world like no other creature in the world. We are the only creatures that can understand the secret of this world and that of the universe. Only we can alter our natural instinct of fear to compassion.

Are we really thriving to understand the real secrets of our lives, how we originated and to care for the lives around us, to coexist with every living being in harmony? Eastern philosophers and poets of my own country have answered “Yes” to the question.

But is there any force or energy that compels us to survive, to contemplate and to understand? Why is the Nature the way it is? Why is the cat the way she is? What is the source of the chaotic order that rules the Earth? I have come to believe in the existence of that energy that has created this chaotic order. I have now come to believe this energy is the God–the Creator, the Caretaker and the Destroyer.

In these two months, the cats have taught me a lot of things about life and the way we behave and feel. And we can’t always control everything that happens. We make mistakes we can’t amend. We don’t know what happened to Lily but Billy continues to grow and to impress. She is here in my house with a purpose–to teach me about other living beings, including humans.

When Quora Users Gathered in Kathmandu

By Sandeept

On November 13, 2017

In Blogging, Nepal, Nepali

On July 22, 2017, Quora users of Nepal met for the first time at Taragaon Museum. John Shrestha (Yaatri) and Swapna Bizness had organized the programme on a very short prior notice via Quora and Facebook.

Participants of the 1st Quora Meetup

Until I reached Taragaon Museum that day and met Mahesh and John, I was dubious there was any programme. During the introduction session that day, John said how he conceived the idea for a Meetup in Nepal.

One day, he stumbled upon an answer in Quora which described a Meetup in a city of India. John was baffled. “Can we organize such a programme in Nepal?” He thought and found out how he could gather people.

“We had not expected more than eight participants,” he said. “But the overwhelming number of people interested in the event stumped me.” The number of interested people had reached over 200 within the few hours. It was unexpected because the number of active Quora users was very few. Probably, the phrase “first ever” had attracted people.

“I had thought of calling some people to a public park like Ratna Park but for 200 people, it would not work. The 1st Quora Meetup had to be exciting.”

He sought for sponsors, found Swapna Bizness. He looked for an interesting place and found Taragaon Museum. It is an art museum ran by Taragaon Hotel (Hyatt Regency). Despite that many interested people, only 39 gathered. John was relieved.

That day, all of them were strangers to me but strangely, everyone seemed familiar. We immediately bonded. That was the first time I had such an experience.

I was waiting for another Meetup to occur soon and the date had been decided but was cancelled because Quora announced the first ever official Quora World Meetup.

So, on November 11, 2017, the first Quora World Meetup was held in King’s College, Kathmandu. The original location was the Taragaon Museum but unfortunately it had been booked.

It took me no time to find King’s College. I could see it in front of my eyes, but the road I took never ended. I was walking along the left bank of Dhobi Khola. I had to return back, cross the bridge at Bijulibazaar and take the road on the right bank. I nearly missed the introduction session.

The second session was the Question/Answer session that was in spirit of Quora. Some of the questions were:

1. Who was the most influential teacher in your school?

2. What incident in life has affected you the most?

3. Do you think we dream what we desire? (The discussion for this went for almost an hour. There were many different perspectives and knowledge. I learnt for the first time that dream interpretations were subjective.)

After a short break, the programme recommenced. During the break, I saw that Quorans have mutual respect for each other and yeah, Sulav Karki, who answers a lot of questions about Nepal is largely popular.

The final session included debates on two subjects:

1. Should Kathmandu still remain the capital of Nepal?

2. Should Diversity Visa (DV) be stopped for Nepal?

Two groups were divided. We had a fewer number of people in our group but luck favoured us on both occasions as we won the toss and got to choose. We chose to support Kathmandu being the capital in the former and DV should be stopped.

Discussion before the debate

In the first debate, when Sulav presented the points for Kathmandu remaining the capital of Nepal, Sushovan remarked, “Ten wickets in the power play.” Meaning, we had won the debate because they could not be negated by the opposition. And they really could not.

Sulav presenting the points we discussed for the first debate. Noticed the smiles?

The second debate was more balanced. Several interesting points came up. It also took us to another question: Which is more important–an individual or his nationality?

At the end, there were no personal grudges, no fights, no accusations. The debate session ended as it should have. The Quora users of Nepal surprised me once again.

Participants of the 1st Official Quora World Meetup in Kathmandu.