Stories of Sandeept

Experiences of a common man!

Speechless

[A poem I started out of a random thought some months ago. I hadn’t completed it then. When I saw it today, I completed it. The last part differs from what I had planned the day I created it.]

ME:

Saw her again, passing by the street;

Had opportunity to meet

Graceful she; radiance on her face

All of a sudden, fear made me retreat.

If you had helped me a little more,

O God!

I would have felt blessed!

But you helped me less;

If not, I would not have been speechless!

GOD:

Don’t blame me, kid

For the mistake you did.

The rain had passed, the sun was bright

I did everything to help you with my might.

ME:

If you had helped me no less

Tell me, my Lord! Why was I speechless?

GOD:

I can’t answer that

When in doubt,

Ask your heart.

ME:

Tell me, O Heart!

Why do I crave

To be with her

But fear

Whenever she is near?

HEART:

Lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-lub-dub-dub-lub-dub

ME:

And the heart goes on

Beating.

I can’t understand

What it’s saying!

O God! Teach me

The language of the heart.

Where are you, O God?

Where have you gone

Leaving your child alone?

I know you left.

I know I should do it myself.

I’ve the problem;

I’ve the solution.

However, I’m distressed,

Stressed

But well dressed!

So that I can hide

My inabilities

And my problems

That are not getting less.

I stare at a wall alone

And speechless!

Prometheus and Democracy

I saw the names of Prometheus and Epimetheus for the first time in the story Pandora and the Box of Troubles. The story did not say much about Prometheus except when his brother Epimetheus says that Prometheus would be angry if the box of troubles was opened. Pandora opens the box and releases the troubles despite the warning. I don’t know what Prometheus did later. Nobody has told me.

Some years later, I saw these brothers named as Titans in a B.A. level textbook. (I don’t remember the book. I was in Grade Seven, probably.) Titans had a war with the Olympians–not those who participate in Olympics –but Prometheus and Epimetheus supported the Olympians. I found that particularly strange but there was no answer. I, myself was not much interested at that age.

When I had intense desire to recall the Greek Mythologies, I used to look up the Wikipedia. There, for the first time, I saw that Prometheus did one rebellious thing against the Olympians–stealing the fire. I got interested but could not go through all the article.

This October, I found a Grade Nine English textbook (not the Government prescribed) where I found the story of Prometheus again. This was the same story in which he stole the fire. This time, however, I could make sense of the story. What a rebel he was!

Prometheus was a life-long rebel. When Cronus and his other brothers (the Titans) were busy “ruling” the world, and not taking care of the people they ruled upon, he and Epimetheus helped Zeus and his siblings (the Olympians) fight other Titans. I forgot the details but I think I read that they enlightened the Olympians on the strengths and the weaknesses of the Titans. The Olympians won.

When in power, they did not take care of the people they ruled. In other words, they turned into tyrants just like the Titans. Prometheus saw humans suffering and he decided to rebel against the Olympians. The best way he found was to steal fire from Olympia and give it to humans. And also to train in how to use it. He succeeded in his goal but not without Zeus’ knowledge.

Zeus did not like what Prometheus did. So, he was punished. I won’t go through all the punishments he went through but the introduction of Pandora was one episode in it.

What can we learn from the story of Prometheus?

I see a trend of repeating history in this story. The ways both the Titans and the Olympians when they gained power are similar. Throwing the Titans and establishing the Olympians seems like a dictator being replaced by another. When that happens, people suffer even more. They think the second dictator is better but it is not the case. That’s when rebels like Prometheus come up. They teach people to fight the dictators and established a system of ruling. The result is democracy.

The story of Prometheus, thus is in one way, a way to understand the foundation of collective wisdom–democracy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monthly Feature 11: Pashupati Prasad

I wanted to watch this movie when it was released last year but I could not watch it then because I think I was busy in my chores. Thankfully, the movie came up on YouTube during Dashain.

After the earthquake of Baishakh 12, 2072, Pashupati Prasad Khakurel comes to Kathmandu from Sindhupalchowk in search of his Meet Baa. (Meet is best friend; Baa is father. Meet Baa is father’s best friend–almost like father.) Only his Meet Baa can help him earn money in order to clear his dead parents’ debt.

The movie revolves around this simple common theme. However, as Pashupati Prasad works around Pashupatinath area, he makes a connection with Hanumanji–a masked man dressed like Hanuman, an old woman who loves him more than her own son, an M.A. graduate who runs a food booth, and Bunu–a deaf-mute girl who he loves. He also makes a rivalry with Bhasme Don, while searching for gold in the Bagmati River. Through these characters, several aspects of society come alive.

The ending of the movie is unexpected but highly emotional. Without much dialogues, these scenes break the audiences’ heart. Though many have argued that the ending should have been different, I think that’s exactly the makers had wanted people to think of.

Cast

Khagendra Lamichhane as Pashupati Prasad

Rabindra Singh Baniya as Hanuman Ji

Bipin Karki as Bhasme Don

Barsha Siwakoti as Bunu

Director: Deependra K. Khanal

IMDb rating: 9.4/10

UN Day: What We Expect from the UN

We don’t want the United Nations’ Organization (abbreviated UN or UNO) to become another League of Nations. We don’t want it to fail in it’s objectives. Because we know, without the UN, the world is certainly going to face a nuclear war.

 

un-flag-square

The UN was established on October 24, 1945. As the world celebrates the establishment of this world organization, I present my views on the UN based on my recent observations. First, my comment on my friend Roshan Bhandari’s post on Write, Share and Discuss:

The UN had big challenges when it was established. Its charter promises a war-free world. But wars have not come to an end. The UN failed to stop the Kuwait-Iraq war, the American attacks on Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq. The Israel-Palestine conflict never seems to resolve under the UN. The underdeveloped countries are still suffering. The organizations under the UN such as FAO, UNDP are affected by corruption. You heard the case of rotten cereals and pulses distributed in the remote areas of Nepal and also during the earthquake last year, didn’t you?

The UN looks like a puppet organization to me. Well, it’s almost true that the veto-nations rule it. Especially, the US, Russia and China. If avoiding conflict with Syria didn’t serve Russia a purpose, the nation would have been churned and the UN would not have said anything. The Americans and Europeans have already marched to fight “Islam” in the name of fighting the terrorism, though, and the UN cannot overrule it. The UN is in a state of coma. It does not seem to come out of it anytime sooner.

Criticisms of the UN

I had not thought about my views until last month. I wanted to know if other people also thought that the UN has problems. I googled “Has the UN failed?” and discovered several articles on the internet that represent my thoughts above. There is a Wikipedia article on the criticisms of the UN, infographics that show the failures the organization has met and several other articles related to its problems.
I don’t understand most of the things the Wikipedia article says but I think the biggest problems in the effectiveness of the UN are the five permanent member nations of the  Security Council. These five nations- the USA, the UK, France, Russia and China have veto power by the use of which they can force the SC to make certain decisions. Veto must have been suggested as a way to stop wars but it is not effective. The USA and the USSR (now Russia) have used the power indiscriminately to overrule policies that are against their interests. No permanent nation, like I’ve said above, is going to use veto or stop war if they don’t have their own interests. The USA, the UK and France are also the members of NATO. As the UN cannot stop military activities of the NATO, these nations can participate in war through the latter thus making the decisions of the former useless.
Another problem with the permanent members is that they are top fives among the major arms exporting countries. There is no use of arms in the absence of war. If these arms exporting nations have continued to supply arms and gaining profit, it means wars are continuously going on around the world. The UN seems to check these wars. An even more frightening scenario is the one in which the arms producing and exporting countries are backing up wars in various parts of the globe. If wars help them improve their economy, why wouldn’t they do so?
The another big problem is bureaucracy. Anthony Banbury says in an article on the New York Times:
The world faces a range of terrifying crises, from the threat of climate change to terrorist breeding grounds in places like Syria, Iraq and Somalia. The United Nations is uniquely placed to meet these challenges, and it is doing invaluable work, like protecting civilians and delivering humanitarian aid in South Sudan and elsewhere. But in terms of its overall mission, thanks to colossal mismanagement, the United Nations is failing.
The article says that the UN bureaucracy is slow. As a result, immediate response to a particular situation is difficult. Banbury also criticizes the role of peace-keeping forces in countries like, Haiti, Sudan and Mali. Peace-keeping forces have not been able to bring peace in these countries. If they have, it’s been temporary. And in some countries such as Haiti, where there is not much need for the peace force, they are still there.

Nepal and the UN

In Nepal, the UN and its different agencies have been working in providing basic needs of food, shelter, health services, and in activities related to human rights. United Nations’ Mission In Nepal (UNMIN) helped in the peace-process of Nepal. The WHO, UNFPA and UNICEF have helped in health sector, the WFP is working to provide food in the rural areas, the UNDP on development works, and so on.
Last year, the WFP got into a controversy*. Most Nepalese media and parliamentarians criticized the distribution of rotten food products in the earthquake affected areas. Such claims had also been heard earlier. We don’t know if the WFP is actually providing anything bad, but if such things come up regularly, we’ll be inclined to think that something is wrong. It also questions the effectiveness of the UN agencies.

What we Want

We want the UN to work democratically, and don’t want some nations decide the future of the world. We want the members, especially the permanent members of the Security Council UN to support peace and humanity, not wars. We want all the nations to work together selflessly. We want the developed nations to invest in uplifting the economic status of the poverty-stricken people over the globe, not just on nuclear weapon research and space travel. We want the UN to take these initiatives to bring eternal peace and happiness.
* The title of the article in this link might be misleading.

 

What Kind of Light Are YOU?

I think I have something of each kind. Could not figure out which one is more visible.

Dashain, October 10 and Some thoughts

Dashain, Nepal’s biggest festival, began on the first day of October. Almost all Nepalese festivals are based on Lunar Calendar. So, this was an unusual coincidence. But we don’t commonly use the English calendar. (We call it English. Is it Roman? I’m confused!) You know, it went unnoticed, at least to me, until now.

The second day of Dashain marks the beginning of  Navaratri- the nine days (or nights?). Navaratri literally means nine nights but we worship nine Goddesses these nine days. I’m really confused by the definition.


The Goddesses we worship are the representatives of Nature and Mothers, we say. However, some people kill female foetuses because they want sons. Men believe sons carry on their races. Do they really? 

Genetically  speaking, a son gets a Y-chromosome from their father and an X-chromosome from their (This singular “their” is confusing me now!) mother. Geneticists say, “Y-chromosome is almost empty. Most of the characters in a son are related to their (singular, again!) mother.” While daughters have two X-chromosomes, one from father and one from mother, they seem to carry father’s legacy more than their male siblings.

Practically, legacy and races are carried on by both the sexes. A male and a female give birth to or adopt children, groom them up and those children represent whatever they learn from parents. That’s what legacy is. We are confusing legacy with birth, while it’s actually is karma. (Wow, I can use this word in English without an explanation!) While talking about race, we narrow ourselves into some surname or a community. Why not think about the human race as a whole?

I have been deviated from what I wanted to say. I was talking about Dashain and with it, ‘To eat or not to eat (meat) is the question.’ Bali (sacrifice) is defined by experts differently based on their preferences. Some say, “Sacrifice your animalistic characters.” And some, “Sacrifice your animals.” To me both seem right but I have to follow one. I follow the latter. I eat meat and I can not support the previous. I’m already a devil to them. But being a vegetarian (Is this a polite word? Somewhere I read, it is!) does not particularly mean one is an epitome of goodness. I can point out some people but don’t want to do it here. Find them out yourselves, will you?

I don’t think it would be right to say, “Don’t eat meat because it is bad.” If it were that bad, we would never be introduced to it in the first place. If you want to eat, eat it. If you don’t want, don’t. But don’t show hatred towards those who eat meat. With increasing droughts, desertification, and probable nuclear apocalypse, meat-eating people might find it easy to survive than the rest. Who knows if a lifetime vegetarian will have to eat meat in such a situation? (I remember watching a scene like this in some movie. I don’t remember the name though.) Because at times of wars and apocalypse, moral values don’t matter. Only thing that counts is survival.

I don’t want to debate though. I just want to say that Navaratri has come to an end. The debate thus ends until the next year.

And I want you to celebrate this wonderful day, which has already passed in some Asian countries, and is about to end in less than an hour in Nepal. It 10th of October. 10th day of the 10th month. Calendars tell me it’s World Mental Health Day. (I nearly wrote World Health Day. But Mental Health Day would also be on Health Day according to WHO’s definition.)

If you have been really confused reading this article, all I wanted to say is that I am totally confused over these days. Confused mind might not be a good health indicator but we live confused lives in this confused world. Why should I only feel guilty about it. Let’s share the guilt together. To sum up, I would like to end this article with a comment (I have not copied it except the first sentence- that was the easiest!) on Science Alert’s Facebook page:

Humans are strange. They create moral principles, discuss over what they should do to make their lives peaceful and religious. But they also create weapons for total destruction.

Leave Me Alone-6

Previously on Leave Me Alone:

Ajay and Sasha go Sasha’s house to celebrate her birthday. Ajay sees a portrait of a woman on red saree. Coincidentally, a woman similar to that on the portrait attacks him and he runs to the police station. There he meets Dr. Shrestha, who tells him something about Sasha’s past. Ajay does not believe him. So he calls Parmila, Sasha’s maid to confirm his story.

In this last chapter of the story, we explore through the dreams of Sasha and find out the one responsible for everything the couple has faced.

Sasha was in a dream. She was in the study of Dr. Shrestha looking for something when she saw a small brown notebook with a leather jacket on his table. She thought she had seen it earlier but could not say where. ‘I am sure this is not uncle’s notebook. Whose is it?’ she said to herself and lifted it up. She turned on the first page and saw the name of the owner written in bold capital letters: RESHMA.

Sasha was shocked. ‘What’s my mom’s diary doing in uncle’s office? He had said that this diary was taken up by the court as an evidence of her insanity. Has he been hiding things from me?’ As she was busy contemplating, she heard someone coming into the study. She immediately managed to hide the diary. Dr. Shrestha came in and looked around. He looked confused. Sasha asked, “What are you searching, uncle?”

The doctor hesitated at first, but when Sasha asked again, he replied, “Have you seen a diary? It has brown-leather jacket. I thought I had taken it to my bedroom. I couldn’t find it there. I must have left it here.”

“No, I haven’t seen such a diary,” Sasha said calmly. The doctor was an expert in catching lies. She felt he had caught her. However, she was relieved when he said, “It’s all right, Sasha. I must have kept it somewhere else.”

Dr. Shrestha’s office faded. She was now in her hostel reading the notebook. As she read the accounts of her mother’s life, she felt she was getting closer with her mother. She came to know the details of her life Dr. Shrestha could never have given her. She was shocked the most when she read that Reshma had been sexually assaulted. She developed hatred against the manager and the lawyer when she knew that their acts had changed the fate of her mother and her own.

The girl had a feeling that the distance with her mother was decreasing. She could feel her mother’s presence around her. One evening before she went to sleep, she actually saw her mother. Sasha looked at her with awe and despair. She wanted to cry in her mother arms but she could not touch her. The woman told, “You can’t touch me because of those evil men. Avenge me, my child.”

“I will, Mom,” Sasha said though she was not sure how.

“Find them out and destroy their lives,” Reshma said.

Sasha knew the stories but she had not seen the manager and the lawyer. As she thought so, Reshma said, “You must find a clue that helps you find them.”

“Where is the clue?” Sasha asked but her mother had gone. She wiped the tears in her eyes, washed her face and came back to her room. She thought she had understood the clue. She picked up the diary and turned its pages. On the bottom of the pages in which Reshma’s tormentors were mentioned, Sasha noticed that Reshma had repeatedly written these words: ‘One stitch in time saves nine.’

Sasha had thought Reshma had written that because she had failed to understand the true nature of the manager and his lawyer. That she had to be cautious when her boss was offering her own auctioned house; that she had to understand the ploy he had made during the pay rise. This time Sasha had discovered the pattern of the appearance of the proverb. She took the words literally and looked at the jacket of the diary. She looked at the odd stitch which she had previously thought was a production defect. She looked at it carefully. ‘It must be a manual work.’ She took a blade and cut the stitch. She ripped the jacket to discover an old picnic photo encircling two faces at the centre.

On a closer inspection, she saw that Reshma had written an ‘M’ above the head of the one on the right and an ‘L’ above that on the left. She saw her mother on the extreme right. She also noticed a bespectacled man. ‘Dr. Shrestha,’ she smiled. Sasha looked at the man marked L again. She thought she had seen him somewhere, though she could not place exactly where. As she kept staring at the photo, her phone beeped. As she looked at the face of the caller, she remembered where she had seen him. ‘Ajay?’ she thought. ‘How is that possible?’

***

Sasha leaped space and time in her dream. She was at the hospital in Dr. Shrestha’s cabin a few days later. He was in his desk writing something while she said, “I have a problem, uncle.”

The old doctor stopped writing and gestured at her to sit down. Then he looked curiously at her. After a moment of hesitation, Sasha said, “I’ve been seeing my mom recently.”

“In your dreams?”

“I see her ghost.”

“Ghost?” Dr. Shrestha stroked his chin and said, “Tell me more about your mother’s ghost.”

“She comes in a red sari and looks like that on the portrait. She wants me to avenge her death.”

“Do you want to do it?”

“No.”

“You’ve lied.”

Sasha’s mind raced back to the incident a few days ago when she had lied that she had not seen the diary. ‘How could he not catch that?’

“Do you want to avenge your mother?” the doctor asked again.

“Yes,” Sasha replied in an angrier tone. “Those who killed her must be punished. I can’t let them roam around.”

“Do you know who they are? How do you find them?”

“Yes uncle. I know about the two that are directly involved. The bank manager has disappeared. So I don’t need to look for him.” Sasha clenched her fist as she said, “The other is a lawyer. I know him.”

“Where did you get all these information?”

“I used different sources.” Sasha did not want to tell him about the diary.

“Alright,” the doctor said. “I think I know your sources.”

‘He knows.’ Sasha’s heart paced. She said to herself. ‘He knows I have read that diary.’

Dr. Shrestha, however said, “You got that information from Parmila, didn’t you?”

Sasha was relieved but she could not convince herself that the old doctor had not caught her lies. The doctor thought for a while and scribbled something on his prescription form. He stood up and walked towards Sasha. Handling the paper, he said, “I think you’re getting hallucinations again. I don’t know what triggered it. But I guess it’s your source of information. I’ve written some medicines. They’ll help you get rid of your hallucinations.”

Sasha nodded, thanked him and went towards the door. The doctor called out, “Sasha.” As she turned towards him, he said, “Don’t tell anyone that you’re experiencing hallucinations. And don’t tell anyone about the medicines I have given you.”

Sasha nodded again and walked out.

***

Sasha was in her room. She saw two coffee mugs on the table. ‘I am not alone,’ she thought in her dream.

She heard a clatter in the bathroom attached to her room. She was scared. She slowly walked towards the bathroom. All of a sudden, someone came out. She looked like her mother on the portrait. But she was puzzled. She had said that her mother was a ghost. ‘Ghosts don’t use bathrooms.’

For a moment, Sasha looked puzzled at the woman who had gone her. The woman did not see her. Sasha cried out, “Hey …”

Before she said anything else she realized that the woman would not listen to her either.  Sasha’s courage increased. She then went closer to examine. She looked at her for a moment and then looked back at her reflection on the wardrobe mirror. A young lady stood on a red sari.

In a flash, Sasha realized in her dream that the woman on the red sari was not her mother’s ghost but herself. “Stop,” she shouted as her other self walked to the door. “Don’t go. You can’t kill Ajay. He has not done anything wrong.”

The woman turned back. Sasha thought that her other self had listened but she picked up the coffee mug and went away. She ran downstairs. She looked for Ajay in the living room. He was staring at her mother’s portrait.

Her other self was in the kitchen. She put down the coffee mugs and looked at her own reflection in the mirror. She ordered herself to kill Ajay. “I won’t,” Sasha shouted. The other self seemed to listen. She got furious. Sasha saw a steel rod in the kitchen she had brought for some purpose she did not remember. She picked up the rod and smashed hard into the mirror. She fell down. She had won. The other self remained no more.

But she was wrong. Her aggressive self woke up and attacked Ajay with a broken piece of mirror. Ajay ran away. Sasha ran after him for a while and collapsed on the road.

***

An hour later, her dream took her to the police station. She was walking towards Ajay and Dr. Shrestha. The old doctor looked at her as if he had never seen her before. She was about to ask why he was doing so when he walked up to her. The doctor produced a syringe and in a flash it penetrated her skin. At that small moment before she passed out, she realized that the doctor was not as good as he seemed. She shouted in her dream, “Leave me alone.”

Sasha woke up on a bed. The brightness of the room dazzled her for a while. A machine beeped on her right. On her left was a boy with a familiar smile. “Ajay?”

Ajay helped her sit. He looked at her with compassion and said, “You’ve been asleep here for months. Our lives have changed so much, Sasha.”

“What happened?”

He told her about his meeting with Dr. Shrestha and Parmila, his annoyance with his father and his father’s suicide. “Dr. Shrestha turned out to be your biological father.”

Sasha was shocked. She had always felt orphaned after the death of her parents. Ajay continued, “He was your father’s friend. He had seen your mother once when he had gone to their house. The doctor liked your mother, so much that it turned into an obsession. In his madness, he went to his friend’s one evening, put sleeping pills on his friend’s drink and assaulted your mother. You were born as a result.”

Sasha bowed her head. She could not look at Ajay. He put his hand on hers and said, “You don’t need to be ashamed. You’ve done nothing wrong. No one will judge you for your birth.”

“But why didn’t my mother write anything about your birth in her diary?”

“The diary you read was not your mother’s. It was the doctor’s doing. He said he copied your mother’s handwriting and produced another diary. He then gave it to you. He made you think you had hidden it from him. The doctor also confessed that he had killed the bank manager. He had pushed him over a cliff one day. His body has not been found, however. He also killed your father when he knew what the doctor had done.”

“But he said I had killed my father.”

Tears fell down Sasha’s eyes. Ajay consoled her saying, “No, you did not. The doctor killed him and fed into your mind that you had done it. That way he could give you medicines for mental disorder you never had. He kept track of everything you did. The medicines he gave you enforced hallucinations. Your mother’s ghost turned into your alternate personality and it attacked me. It’s amazing how he could have guessed you would attack me that night. He was an evil wizard.”

Sasha cried harder. “I can’t believe how anyone can be such an evil.”

“He was evil but he did one thing right. He kept his word by treating you before the police took him in their custody.”

Sasha wondered about the changes she had gone through in her life. But Ajay was beside her. There was nothing to worry about.

THE END

← Read Chapter 5

Monthly Feature 10: A Movie that Took me Back to Astronomy

For the monthly feature this October, I can’t avoid writing about this science fiction movie that involves a worm hole, a black hole, and a crew of scientists trying to save the human species: Interstellar.

I watched the movie twice during the second week this September. The first time I watched it, I did not understand some of the things shown towards the end. The search took me to different answers. It also took me back to astrophysics.

I have always been attracted by astronomy. I enjoyed reading about stars, planets, satellites, asteroids, and comets. I was introduced to complex objects like black hole through a picture book (published by National Geographic Society, I think) my friend had brought to school. About three years ago, I had read Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time. It had given me a picture of the universe but I was still not satisfied.

I had heard about Interstellar from my friends in college. I did not know what the movie showed until I watched it for the first time. To keep the suspense (which I don’t usually do in case of movies) I had not even googled its name. After I watched it the first time, I was confused. Because:

I was touched by its drama.

I did not understand anything shown in the end.

I had to know where Cooper went after trying to enter the black hole. I had to know how all things shown in the movie were related.

As soon as I watched the movie, I googled and saw a term “tesseract”. Cooper had gone into the tesseract. How? “They” had sent him. Who’s they?

Who’s they?

Cooper asks the question twice in the movie. If you have watched the movie and listened carefully the conversation between Cooper and TARS in the Tesseract scene you can get the hint. But who built the Tesseract? Only one answer in Quora satisfied me. And to verify it again, I had to watch the movie.

However, I wanted more information on the scientific accuracy of the movie. While sci-fi movies are related to science, they use their artistic freedom to show things which can be misleading. According to the materials I found on the internet, the movie had shown almost accurately the black hole and the worm hole. I thought, ‘There is some science in the movie.’ I found an ebook The Science of Interstellar, written by astrophysicist Kip Thorne. This book helped me know many aspects of the movie and the science used in it. Combined with my undergraduate physics book I could understand relativity and concepts of space-time better than I had before.

Interstellar helped me widen my knowledge on universe. However, it would have been difficult if I had not known some of the concepts previously. I really appreciate the movies which tease my brain and my knowledge. This is one such movie.

Cast

(Source: Wikipedia)

IMDb Rating: 8.6/10

Leave Me Alone-5

Previously on Leave Me Alone:

Ajay and Sasha go Sasha’s house to celebrate her birthday. Ajay sees a portrait of a woman on red saree. A woman similar to that on the portrait attacks him and he runs to the police station. There he meets Dr. Shrestha, who tells him something about Sasha’s past. Ajay does not believe him. So he calls Parmila, Sasha’s maid to confirm his story. Ajay still has some questions about Sasha. 

What answers will he get? In this chapter…

“I still don’t understand,” Ajay said, “why I was attacked?”

“There are some probabilities,” Dr. Shrestha replied grimly. “It is a fact known to me and my colleagues that Sasha believed within her subconscious that her mother was alive. Sasha used to have hallucinations in which her mother would talk to her. Whenever that happened, Sasha’s personality would alter. She used to be more aggressive, and used to gain immense strength. Ten men would find it difficult to calm her down.”

“So you believe Sasha’s alternate personality influenced by her dead mother in her subconscious attacked me?” Ajay intervened. “But would she?”

As if he had not heard anything Ajay said, the old doctor continued, “Using medication, we had been able to suppress the hallucinations and to some extent, the alteration of her personality. Some years ago, when she joined nursing, I recommended the medication be stopped. That was the biggest mistake I made.

“Because the medicines were not being administered, the hallucinations may have begun controlling over her for some time. Her mother might have talked to her, and convinced Sasha that you are either the one or related to someone who led into her mother’s death,” the doctor told to Ajay.

“But I am not related to any bank manager who went missing.”

“There was a lawyer who proved falsely that Sasha’s mother was mentally ill.”

Ajay was stunned. Dr. Shrestha seemed to look through him. He stammered the question that came into his mind: How do you know my father is a lawyer?

Dr. Shrestha smiled at Ajay without being surprised. “I knew your father’s name from your license last night,” the doctor replied. “I had doubted that he is the famous lawyer. You’ve confirmed my suspicions.”

“My dad can’t have done anything wrong,” Ajay said, terrified by what the doctor was trying to say to him. He stood up and looking straight at Dr. Shrestha, announced, “He might not have been involved in the case.”

“He is a professional advocate. It’s within his right to do anything to save his client. Why don’t you ask him yourself about his involvement in that case?” Dr. Shrestha replied, unclenched.

‘Was my dad involved?’ Ajay thought, his fear escalating. His mind was divided. Prior to the talk with the doctor, he could confidently bet that his father advocated the truth. However, after the doctor’s indication that his father had falsely accused Sasha’s mother of being a psycho. Trembling, he inserted his hand into his pocket, produced his cell phone and dialled his father’s number. “Ajay, where had you been all night? I’ve searched everywhere for you,” a hoarse voice asked.

“I’m at a doctor’s, dad.”

“Is everything all right?” Ajay’s father asked him.

Ajay wanted to lie by saying ‘yes’; instead, he said, “No dad, something is wrong. My girlfriend attacked me last night and her guardian says that you are related somewhere in the case. That I’ve been assaulted because she believed I was you in her state of altered personality.”

“Who attacked you? Sasha, is it? Are you all right, Ajay?” his father asked and before Ajay could reply, he continued furiously, “Anyway, don’t believe in any nonsense. How can I be involved in your girlfriend’s madness?”

“Do you remember a case twenty years ago?” Ajay said. When he received only silence in reply, he continued, “That case in which a reputed bank manager had been accused of abusing his employee. Though that woman had written the truth in her diary, the manager’s lawyer had proved in the court that she was mad and her letter could not be solid evidence against the manager. Do you remember that case, dad?”

Ajay had expected a reply but he actually received a hanging up tone in answer. He redialled the number four times but his father did not receive the call. He looked at both Dr. Shrestha and Parmila sadly. He felt weak. His legs could not keep him standing. He sat down on an empty chair and covered his face with his palms. He wanted to cry but he could not. Ajay could not believe that his father had done something that had affected him twenty years later.

Dr. Shrestha broke the silence, “You need to go to your father and talk to him. You have to ask him everything. You deserve the truth.”

“I don’t think I can bear the truth, doctor,” Ajay said bitterly.

“You have to face it, Ajay,” the doctor said, “not just for yourself but for Sasha as well.”

“Oh, I can’t,” Ajay y and stood up from his chair again. He picked his phone and dashed out. Before he reached the edge of the garden, Dr. Shrestha shouted out these words, which Ajay would clearly recall the following week: “Talk to your father, Ajay. If you don’t he might harm himself.”

Ajay did not return home for a week. He stayed most of his time at the hospital looking at his unconscious lover outside the ICU. She did not show up much improvement. Ajay was sad but was hopeful. He ate at the canteen. He made friends with the doctors, nurses and other medical staffs. When he felt extremely tired, he called his friends and slept at their houses. That was because he never felt like going back to Sasha’s place. His father called him several times during that week. Ajay picked up just twice. He had no will to talk to his father. Ajay’s father too had not been able to say anything. Silence had ruled over both the calls Ajay received.

The call, which overruled the silence, was too chaotic for Ajay. The man on the other side said, “Mr. Ajay, I am Inspector Pradhan.” After a few seconds of silence, Inspector Pradhan added with a loud sigh, “I have a bad news for you. Your father has killed himself.”

Ajay felt as if the world had collapsed. The doctor’s words rushed into his mind. ‘That doctor had the tongue of a wizard,’ he thought. For some minutes, he could not stand still. He sat on a chair covering his face. He gathered up courage and rushed down the stairs. ‘He must have left something.’ Ajay’s instincts told him that his father had not gone without letting him know the truth. He reached the street and got on to a bus that went the nearest chowk from his house. All through the journey in the bus, he thought, ‘I made a mistake in choosing to avoid myself from the truth. I should have followed Dr. Shrestha’s words. He is an experienced psychiatrist after all.’

Ajay sensed a chaotic silence when he reached his home. His mother lay unconscious because she had cried a lot. His older brother sat beside his mother in silence. Some officers were roaming around, still investigating the house. Ajay noted Inspector Pradhan giving orders to his juniors. He went up to the officer and said, “Inspector Pradhan, where is he?”

“In his own room,” the inspector said, “I’m extremely sorry at your loss.”

“Did you find anything, Inspector?” Ajay queried. “Any note he had written before his suicide?”

“Yes, we did find a note,” Inspector Pradhan said. “It was inside an envelope on his table. Your father had written on the envelope that the letter should be given to you only. I’ve ensured no one reads that before you do.”

Inspector Pradhan then produced the letter and gave it to Ajay, who tore the envelope and read instantly:

Ajay,

I had made several mistakes during the early days of my career as a lawyer. Those immoral acts, I never intended to do myself. I had been forced to.

Those days I worked as the legal advisor at a bank. The manager was, at first, friendly. He used to ask me the laws related to everything he was going to do. He paid me well. But one day, he showed his true colours. He talked to me about a lady who worked in his office. He said she was beautiful and that he lusted for her. He asked me to suggest ways so as to incite her. I was shocked by the way his true self had come out. So I resolved not to help him.

He was a reader of minds, however. He told me that if I didn’t help him, he would not pay my fees and he would get all of us into trouble by messing up with the loans I had obtained from the bank. I remembered you, Ajay. I could not let you suffer. I had to oblige to that evil man.

I had just said this, “Be her Messiah.” The manager talked to the lady about a profitable business and she told that to her husband. They took loans from the bank but the information the manager had fed into them was fake. Their business collapsed. Their house was bought in the bidding by the manager’s relatives and he took the house himself later on. And when the lady was in deep sorrow, he increased her salary, promoted her and gave back her house as a “gift”. By doing that he gained her trust.

One day, the manager expressed his feelings towards her. Because she was married and had a child, she did not accept his proposal. The manager turned mad and brutally forced her into physical intimacy. I told him that he could get into trouble but he did not listen to me. He continued his brutality and the lady suffered a lot in her mind. Some months later, she ended up her miseries herself.

The note she left before she died could get the manager into trouble. He told me to help him by calling her mad and that she could not be believed. I refused to do so. He threatened me that he would torture me and my family so much that I too would get crazy like that lady and commit suicide. I had to give in to his threats and I saved him from punishment by doing whatever he told me to do.

After he retained his post, I quit the bank and practiced in the court. I never saw the manager again but then I heard that the wicked man disappeared. He deserved such a punishment and I thank God for punishing him.

I don’t expect you to forgive me Ajay. I have committed sins by letting that manager play with the mind of the lady. Because of my deed, you have suffered. You’ll never have to face any trouble I create from now onwards.

Your dad

P.S.: A doctor took custody of Reshma’s daughter. He is the girl’s biological father.

Ajay trembled. The letter fell off his hand. He had made a mistake by not talking too his father before the latter’s death. He cried bitterly until Inspector Pradhan said, “I’m sorry, Ajay. But I am curious about something.”

‘What is it?’ Ajay asked through his gestures. The inspector pointed at a small photo on the top of the table and continued, “Is that you?”

“No,” Ajay said in a low voice, “It’s Dad”. The officer then remarked, “You two look strikingly similar.”

Read Chapter 4

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खोइ नागरिक समाज ?

हिजो अचानक यो प्रश्न मनमा उठ्यो । देशमा राजनीतिका नाममा ठगी भइरहँदा, कुटनीतिका नाममा लुटनीति चलिरहँदा अनि राज्य पुनर्संरचना (शब्दै कति गार्‍हो रै’छ टाइप गर्न !)का आवाज उठिरहँदा नागरिक समाज कता हरायो?  दश वर्षअघि राजाको प्रत्यक्ष शासनको विरोध हुँदा “नागरिक समाज” एकदम प्रचलित थियो । नागरिक समाज नभएको भए  २०६२/६३को आन्दोलन नै हुने थिएन ।

तत्कालिन अवस्थामा नागरिक समाजका कसरी बनेको थियो ? के उद्देश्य थिए ? इतिहास नबुझी हुन्न भन्ने ठानेर गुगल सर्च गरेको थिएँ । हिजो नै सेतोपाटिमा चुडामणि बस्नेतको एउटा लेख प्रकाशित भएको रै’छ । उक्त लेखलाई आधार मान्दा त्यो समयको नागरिक समाज तल दिइएका वर्गको समूह पो रै’छ-

  • समाजका केही अगुवाहरू,
  • काठमाडौंमा केही बुद्धिजीवी भनेर कहलिएकाहरू, र
  • सञ्चार क्षेत्र
  • केही गैरसरकारी संस्थाका अगुवाहरू

नागरिक समाजको उद्देश्य थिए- १) माओवादी द्वन्द्वको वार्ताद्वारा समाधान; २) लोकतन्त्र र गणतन्त्रको प्राप्ति; ३) समावेशीकरण; ४) राज्य पुनर्संरचना ।

पछिल्ला दुई उद्देश्य माओवादीलाई मुल धारको राजनीतिमा ल्याउने कडीका रूपमा मैले बुझेको छु । ०६२/६३को आन्दोलनमा ती सवाल कसरी उठेका थिए भन्ने चाहिँ मलाई याद छैन । (म बाह्र वर्षको मात्रै थिएँ नि त !) अघिल्ला दुई उद्देश्यमा जनताको प्रत्यक्ष चासो थियो र राजनीतिक दलको स्वार्थ पनि त्यहीँ गाँसिएको थियो ।

त्यस ताका राजाले शासन आफ्नो हातमा लिँदा दलहरूमाथि जनताको विश्वास नै थिएन । उनीहरूले गर्ने विरोधका कार्यक्रममा जनता जाँदैनथे (रक्तकुण्ड, कृष्ण अविरल) । उनीहरू एउटा माध्यम चाहन्थे जनतासम्म पुग्न । नागरिक समाज त्यस्तो एउटा पुल थियो । त्यही भएर नै नागरिक समाजविना आन्दोलन सम्भव थिएन ।

जनता आन्दोलनमा होमिए । राजाले शासन छोडे । विघटित प्रतिनिधि सभा पुनर्स्थापना भयो । लोकतन्त्र आयो । राजाको शक्ति सीमित भयो । संविधान सभाको निर्वाचन भयो । गणतन्त्र घोषणा भयो । जनताले आन्दोलनमा भनेका थिए- “खबरदार नेतगण धोका देलाउ ।” नागरिक समाजलाई भनेका थिए- “यी नेतालाई मुर्ख्याइँ गर्न नदिनू ।” 

तर लोकतन्त्र र गणतन्त्र आउँदासम्म नागरिक समाज हराउन थालिसकेको थियो ।

सेतोपाटिको लेखअनुसार जतिजति समावेशीकरणको अवाज उठ्यो, नागरिक समाज फुट्दै गयो । जबजब राज्य पुनर्संरचनाको कुरा उठ्यो, नागरिक समाज विभक्त हुँदै गयो । मधेस आन्दोलनले यसमा झन् मद्दत गर्‍यो । क्षणिक उद्देश्यका कारण नागरिक समाज टुक्रिएको हो भन्ने म मान्दछु ।

तत्कालिन नागरिक समाजले देशको मुख्य शत्रुलाई निर्मुल पार्न कुनै कदम नै नचालेको जस्तो म देख्छु । नेपालका मुख्य शत्रु हुन्- अस्थिरता र भ्रष्टाचार । यिनै दुई कारणले गर्दा राजनीतिक दलसँग आजित भएका जनताले राजाको प्रत्यक्ष शासनलाई समर्थन गरेका थिए । यिनै दुई कारणले गर्दा राजाको शासन डगमगाएको थियो । यिनै दुई कारणले भुकम्प पीडित जनताले उचित राहत पाएका  छैनन् । यिनै दुई कारणले नेपाल विदेशी चलखेलको केन्द्र बनेको छ । यिनै दुई कारणले जनता गणतन्त्र देखि नै आजित हुन थालिसके । समस्याको चुरो बुझेर पनि बुझ पचाउने राजनीतिकर्मी र बुद्धिजीवी भनाउदाले गर्दा नै हाम्रा समस्या समाधान नभएका हुन् ।

अफसोस, नेपालका बुद्धिजीवीहरू र सञ्चार क्षेत्र   जातीय, क्षेत्रीय, वर्गीय  रङ्गमा रङ्गिएका छन् । यस्तोमा हाम्रा समस्याहरू झन् बढ्दै छन् । कहिलेसम्म ? प्रश्न अनुत्तरित छ ।

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